“Thank God for Science”

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/story/2012-07-02/god-particle-evidence-cern/55981840/1?csp=hf

Scientists believe they have found what they call the ‘God particle,’ so named for its difficulty to find and prove beyond a doubt.  Until now, the scientists simply accepted the existence of the particle on faith.

It turns out, all they had to do all along was believe, and the particle revealed itself to them.

The scientists immediately began fighting and killing each other over their own interpretation of what the particle wants.

There are some scientists who are still unconvinced.  They are called atheist-scientists.

“Law of Physics”

http://specials.msn.com/a-list/news/physicist-traffic-ticket-popular-pages

A UC, San Diego physicist used the math of angular versus linear velocity to get out of a $400 traffic ticket for allegedly failing to stop at a stop sign.  It’s the first time his $1000,000 education has paid off.

The judge ruled in his favor so he didn’t have to pay the fine, but let the record show that that the accused is such a nerd.

To equate the math with geometric terms, the stop sign was an octagon, the policeman’s badge a hexagon, and the physicist: a perfect square.

His ability to accurately do the practical math shows that he is just as good at word problems as he probably is bad with girl problems.

“It Does Literally Not Matter”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/11/antimatter-created-captured-for-the-first-time/1

Physicists announced Wednesday that they captured antimatter atoms for the first time, for a tiny fraction of a second. Of course, after, it felt anticlimactic.

They only worked with a few single atoms, but the physicists now hope to up the anti.

The scientists working with antimatter are being sued by Lady Antebellum.

Protesters of the experiments are anti-antimatter, which they feel, makes them matter.

Scientists working with antimatter hope to discover its counterpart, uncle matter.