"Coffee Life”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/story/2012-05-11/coffee-drinkers-longer-life-expectancy/55024636/1

A new study published in the New England Journal of Medicine suggests that coffee drinkers may live longer.  Actually, they still die, they just can’t close their eyes or stop trembling from the caffeine.

Doctors think that the secret is that coffee drinkers may be that, until they’ve had their first cup in the morning, they're dead.

Since participating in the study, several subjects haven’t been able to sleep.

Those who drink decaf also live longer, but they’re lives are empty and meaningless.

Obviously people who drink coffee live longer.  They are the ones who don’t fall asleep at the wheel.

This study contradicts the theory that people who hang out at Starbucks all day need to get a life.

“Blackout-in-a-Can Ban”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/parenting-family/teen-ya/2010-11-17-1Afourloko17_ST_N.htm

The FDA has banned the sale of caffeinated alcoholic energy drinks such as Four Loco, Joose, and Moonshot, which they have deemed unsafe. The ban is meant to protect college students, and it will, until they hear about Rum and Coke, Jack and Coke, and Irish Coffee.

Several students reportedly got sick after drinking these beverages, some passed out, and a few even suffered memory loss. These experiences are known to most as “college.”

The government intends to enforce the ban, and even expand it if necessary, to ensure that no one in America is having any fun at all.

Members of Congress supporting the ban say it’s a non-partisan issue. It’s not about leaning towards one party, it’s about being the party-pooper.