“Heart Attack Be Dammed”

On Tuesday, Jean Claude Van Damme suffered a minor heart attack on the set of his new movie. It was preceded by superior heart attacks by Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. Then followed by a copycat heart attack by Steven Segal and a cheaper one by Dolph Lundgren.

His brush with mortality will inspire his next project, where he will fight a cruel villian named Cholesterol.

Van Damme’s new movie is called Weapon. Its sequel will be called Defibrillator.