“Judging Lindsay”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2012/01/lindsay-lohan-back-in-court-probation-hearing/1

Lindsay Lohan was back in court Tuesday morning for a probation hearing.  The judge was impressed by her recent completion of community service hours and counseling sessions.  But even more impressed by her Playboy photos.

Despite her legal troubles, Lindsay is clearly trying to cooperate with the court and trying to get back to having a normal life.  Of course, for Lindsay, normal is going to the Golden Globes between weeks of community service hours at the morgue, after posing for naked pictures for $1 million.

“Cops at Lindsay Lohan’s House – But It’s Not What You Think.”

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45858397/ns/today-entertainment/t/lindsay-lohans-alleged-trespasser-arrested/

Lindsay Lohan called police to her Venice Beach home New Year’s Day, when a trespassing man knocked on her door and refused to leave.  Officers showed up to arrest the man, but as soon as she saw the cops, out of habit Lindsay swallowed her drug balloons and hid stolen jewelry in her vagina.

“Lohan Leaked”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/12/linday-lohans-playboy-cover-/1?csp=hf

The cover for the upcoming Playboy magazine featuring Lindsay Lohan has been leaked online, a week before the issue will be available.   It’s the first time anyone has been interested in Lindsay or Playboy in years.

The cover photo features Lindsay posed on a bunny shaped chair.  A posed shot was chosen over the all the candids because all of those captured Lindsay either doing drugs or stealing jewelry.

Lindsay is certainly no stranger to the camera, having spent the last few years on court TV and county jail security footage.

In the photos, Lindsay shows one of her body parts not normally seen by her fans: her ankle without an electronic monitoring device.

Playboy called the pictures ‘tasteful,’ because when you pay someone $1 million to pose nude, no matter what you ask them to do, you’re going to consider it tasteful.

Lindsay almost had a substance abuse relapse on the set due to a strong alcohol odor, but it was just Hef walking through smelling like formaldehyde.

“Courting Lindsay Lohan”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/07/lindsay-lohan-heads-to-court-%E2%80%93-again/1

Lindsay Lohan appeared before the judge from her bracelet theft case,  to have her probation review.  She was told to begin her 480 hours of community service, reminded to enroll in anti-shoplifting classes,  and reminded to set up her court-ordered psychological counseling. Or as Lindsay calls it, Thursday.

“’BAL’ Stands for ‘Blood Alcohol Lindsay’”

Lindsay Lohan was accused of violating her probation Thursday, after equipment detected alcohol in her system while she was under house arrest.  Lindsay says that her body now turns all liquids into alcohol, since that's what it's used to.

Lindsay claims she was only drinking tea.  Tea made from fermented grain.

Lindsay didn't mind going to court because she likes to see if she can find and then steal cocaine from evidence bags.

-          Or as she likes to call it, Exhibit “C.”

“Camp Lohan”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/05/linday-lohan-under-house-arrest/1

Lindsay Lohan turned herself in to jail and then went home to befin serving house arrest Thursday morning, for pleading no contest to stealing a $2500 necklace.  Lindsay has started to just refer to house arrest as “summer vacation.”

Lindsay wants to still be able to pursue her interests and hobbies while confined to her home, so she plans to regularly burglarize her own house.

“No Lo, No Mo’.”

Dina Lohan is reportedly dropping th name Lohan and going back to her maiden name, Sullivan. Lindsay is also dropping Lohan, but not adding Sullivan. She will soon be known to everyone simply as “Prisoner #374629”

“Rehab Rehash” or “LiLo Hits New Low”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2010-12-21-lohan-battery_N.htm?csp=hf

Lindsay Lohan is being investigated for alleged battery of a Betty Ford staff member, but the staffer was fired for divulging patient information to the press. But for those of us who have believed for a long time that Lindsay Lohan has needed to be slapped, she’s a hero.

Celebrity gossip website TMZ immediately reported the shocking details. The most shocking of which was that Lindsay Lohan is still considered a celebrity.

“Lohan Law”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2010-09-20-lohan-arrest-warrant_N.htm

A judge issued a warrant for the arrest of Lindsay Lohan following her failing a mandatory drug test. Another arrest for Lohan was inevitable; everybody likes to see Hollywood star s reprise the role they are most famous for.

Lindsay will, of course, have the right to remain silent, but anything obscene she writes on her fingernails will be used against her in a court of law.