“Judging Lindsay”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2012/01/lindsay-lohan-back-in-court-probation-hearing/1

Lindsay Lohan was back in court Tuesday morning for a probation hearing.  The judge was impressed by her recent completion of community service hours and counseling sessions.  But even more impressed by her Playboy photos.

Despite her legal troubles, Lindsay is clearly trying to cooperate with the court and trying to get back to having a normal life.  Of course, for Lindsay, normal is going to the Golden Globes between weeks of community service hours at the morgue, after posing for naked pictures for $1 million.

“Pop Proposal”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/story/2011-12-16/britney-spears-engaged/52009134/1

Britney Spears has gotten engaged, to Jason Trawick, who was her manager until May, 2010, when they began dating.  Instead of a wild, crazy bachelorette party, Britney will just have a flashback to 2008.

The pair ended their professional relationship to concentrate on their personal one.  In other words, Jason can quit his job, now that he’s got himself a sugar mama.

It is unknown at this time if there will be a pre-nuptial agreement, but one thing is for sure: Jason will insist that Britney not open-mouth kiss Madonna anymore.

“Keeping Up with Jones”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/04/catherine-zeta-jones-checks-into-mental-health-facility/1?csp=hf

A spokesman for actress Catherine Zeta-Jones confirmed Thursday that she had checked into a mental health facility for a brief stay earlier this month.  Catherine suddenly realized that to have married Michael Douglas years ago, she must have been crazy.

“Hilton: 'Ho,Tell'”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/03/perez-hilton-to-pen-childrens-book/1?csp=hf

Blogger Perez Hilton has announced that he will be writing a children’s book. All he has to do now wait for celebrity children to do things that he can ridicule.

The book will really tap a new market, as there are not a lot of choices in children’s literature that promote mean-spirited gossip.

The book is tentatively titled “The Boy with Pink Hair,” and will tell the story of a boy who found hi identity by hiding behind a fake name while he exploited well-known people he’d never met, to gain fame and make money.

Perez says that the book is about celebrating self-acceptance. Which he’ll need when everybody hates his stupid book.

The publishers of the book admit that the only reason they agreed to a printing is because they thought they were representing Paris Hilton.

“Charlie and the Debacle-ate Factory”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2011-03-01-sheen01_CV_N.htm?csp=hf

This blog has had no new entries since February 18, a week and a half ago. Not wanting to waste an opportunity, nor disappoint all our show-business-obsessed fans, we took a purposeful hiatus to prepare for Hollywood’s biggest event of the year, in order to be able to cover the highs and lows. So our studio went dark in order to prepare, get behind the scenes, and come back with this astounding report on everything that was seen on and around the red carpets. Of course I am talking about Charlie Sheen. You thought I meant the 83^rd Academy Awards? Who cares about that when you’ve got Charlie?

The “red carpets?” I was referring to the inside of Charlie’s eyelids.

Forget about the Oscars. If you want to hear all about winners and losers, you want to hear about Charlie Sheen – winner – and the people who have to clean up his hotel rooms – losers.

Now the latest is that Charlie is at war with CBS. Although, the network is trying lure him back by changing the title of his show to Two and a Half Kilos.

He’s television’s highest paid actor. He’s also television’s highest actor.

Charlie refers to his two live-in blonde girlfriends, the former nanny and the porn star as “the goddesses,” and even compared himself to a god. Clearly he’s just confusing the word “immortal” with “immoral.”

Meanwhile, the goddesses say they don’t mind sharing him, and more importantly, his money.

Maybe Charlie is suffering from delusions of grandeur. He referred to himself as a god. This could just be an extension of wanting a higher position than his father, who used to be the president.

As the most obvious proof that Charlie has lost touch with reality, he described Two and a Half Men as “good television.”

He is demanding an apology and a raise from CBS. Furthermore, he wants to be paid in crack.

Some people are saying it was an anti-Semitic reference when he called Two and a Half Men creator/producer Chuck Lorre by the Hebrew name Chaim Levine. This just goes to prove, what’s the point of going to AA, if your sponsor is going to be Mel Gibson?

Charlie’s publicist quit on Monday, releasing a public statement that Charlie’s behavior caused him to have an allergic reaction.

Charlie says it’s lonely at the top, but he like the view. At least, that’s what he says when he’s having sex with the goddesses.

In a related story, not that anyone cares, Jon Cryer seems to be perfectly healthy.