“Not-So-Concealed Weapon”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/jonah-falcon-largest-penis-frisked-by-tsa_n_1675767.html#slide=1228178

A man going through the San Francisco airport was frisked and searched due to the apparent, oversized bulge in his pants, which just turned out to be his unusually large penis.   Because it was San Francisco, suspicion wasn’t all he aroused.

Thousands of locals are demanding that the man be detained indefinitely.

Still, the TSA does have to be on the lookout for biological weapons.

The TSA agent who suspected him really pulled a boner this time.

In the future, the TSA reserves the right to ask him to have his package checked.

Thought the man was suspected of carrying contraband, he wasn’t.  Still, he’s been sentenced to be hung.

To give you an idea of just how big his manhood is, he was seated in Coach, but his penis was in First Class.

After the plane took off, the tower radioed the pilot to bring up the landing gear.  The pilot had to tell them, “Um, that’s not the landing gear.”

“Bare Facts”

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/09/06/BAVK1L0TD9.DTL

The city of San Francisco is trying to pass a local law preventing nudists from using public seating, or to require them to cover their seat with a towel if they are in a restaurant.  Forget shirts.  Apparently the new rule is, “No towel, no shoes, no service.”

Because the nudists, known as “the naked guys,” are part of the community, officials are generally tolerant, and politicians bend over backwards for them, which is better than the other way around.

Though some residents are tired of the naked guys and politicians looking the other way, they recognize that it’s smart for everyone to look the other way.

Citizens who object to the lax attitude of police suspect an un-cover-up.

In restaurants, the nudists’ favorite order is a weiner with nothing on it.

“Throw the Book at Them” or “San Fran Ban”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/greenhouse/post/2011/05/san-francisco-bans-yellow-pages-/1

San Francisco is banning the delivery of Yellow Pages unless they are requested by consumers.  The ban could hurt local businesses advertise in the books, the phone company who collects revenue from those ads, and most of all, little people who need the phone book to sit on at the table.

People who want to order a phone book can call, but good luck looking up the number.

The residential listings, or White Pages, will still be delivered to everyone.  This decision was immediately cited as racist.

The group happiest to see the phone books done away with?  Trees.

Opponents of the phone book reduction will probably quiet down as soon as they hear about the invention of the Internet.

“For Skin or Against” or “Genital Election”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/story/0//circumcision-ban-to-appear-on-san-francisco-ballot/47303482/1

San Francisco will have a measure on its November ballot to vote on a ban of circumcision on males under 18.  Ironically, San Franciscans over 18 have the highest national rate of penis grooming, piercing, and decoration.

Circumcision supporters organized a protest demonstration, but it was cut short.

Those who oppose circumcision for minors say they speak for those who can’t speak for themselves.  The penises.

"Exhibitionists"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/01/nations-first-gay-history-museum-opens-in-san-francisco/1

The nation’s first gay history museum opened Wednesday in San Francisco. It’s called San Francisco.

It’s the museum where history not only comes alive, it comes OUT!

The architecture of the museum is nothing to speak of, but the interior design is fabulous.

You don’t have to be gay to go to the museum, but Catholic priests will get a discount.

“Nicotine Is a Drug”

San Francisco is trying to ban the sale of tobacco products at all stores containing pharmacies. That strategy may not help dissuade smoking; keeping tobacco users out of stores where they might consult someone knowledgeable about the effects of drugs.

To reduce smoking, a smarter move would be to ban the sale of cigarettes in all stores that sell lighters.

Make them walk down the street to the other store. They’d be wheezing so much by the time they walked a couple of blocks, they might just say ‘forget it.’