“American Mimi”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/livefrom/post/2012/07/carey-joins-american-idol-judging-panel/1#.UA2wQ2E192A

Pop-star Mariah Carey has officially signed on to be a judge on the next season of American Idol.  Making the producers’ decision easier, Mariah can make use of all of the flowing, ruffled, and lacey wardrobe pieces left behind by Steven Tyler.

Mariah is going to be the new “mean” judge.  Any of the singers who are bad will be forced to watch her movie, Glitter.

Mariah will be filling the ‘Diva’ role, taking over for Ryan Seacrest.

“Exit Factor”

http://tv.msn.com/reality-tv/x-factor-cleans-house-implosion/story/

Simon Cowell has reportedly fired Steve Jones, Nicole Scherzinger, and Paula Abdul from The X-Factor.  Apparently, he’s been judging them all along.

Steve and Nicole were very upset.  Paula will be, too, when she comes down.

Simon was not able to get rid of the people he really wanted to: Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton, and Cee Lo Green.

Thus, the new season of The X Factor already has a winner: Simon’s ego.

As it happened, Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres felt a great disturbance in the Force.

The firing that was least expected was Steve Jones, because no one’s ever heard of him.

Paula Abdul’s next ambition is to become a contestant on a reality show that judges reality show judges.

The firings have not yet been confirmed by Fox Television, leaving open the possibility that the entire ordeal was nothing more than a hallucination of Steven Tyler’s.