“Army of 147 million””

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/index

The Salvation Army reported Monday that their 2011 Christmas collection efforts rose $147.6 million, their highest total ever.  Upon hearing this, Joe Biden said, “See?  That’s why we pulled them out of Iraq.”

“Charity Sheen”

http://www.cnn.com/2011/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/04/28/sheen.charity/index.html

Charlie Sheen launched a charity to raise money for a baseball fan critically injured in an attack after a Los Angeles Dodgers game.  Presumably so he can either have sex with him or snort his ashes if he dies.

“Bugging Out”

A Lansing man stuffed 16 live cockroaches into his mouth to break a Guinness world record and raise money for charity. The charity helps people stupid enough to shove bugs in their mouths.

Besides setting a world record, the event also provided solid proof that not everyone needs to have a hobby.

The cockroaches were not harmed in the stunt, but even they were grossed out.

The roaches were not eaten, but each of them counts their participation as having received oral.