“Cryer’s Keepers”

http://www.emmys.com/

Jon Cryer won the Emmy award last night for Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, proving you can be on Two and a Half Men and win an Emmy without smoking crack.

Cryer’s next move is to go crazy, do lots of drugs, whore it up, and trademark the resulting catchphrases.

“Cheer for the Host” or “Emmy is How Sue C’s It”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/06/jane-lynch-to-host-the-emmys/1

Glee star Jane Lynch has been named as the host of the 63^rd Primetime Emmy Awards in September.  Lynch’s presence will raise the performance standards of the show.  For example, presenters will have to do aerial cheerleading acrobatics to get to the stage.

Lynch will be the perfect person to hand out awards to the winners, and then throw slushies in the faces of the losers.

Jane says she is honored to be hosting the Emmys, but admits she is only doing it as part of a scheme to crush a high school choral group.