“Airport/Job Security”

http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/post/2012/06/tsa-newark-screeners-fired/792310/1

The TSA said Wednesday that they fired 8 of their workers at the Newark airport for various violations, including sleeping on the job.  First the TSA agents were feeling up passengers, now they sleeping with them.

The TSA looked at several job performance factors, and while some employees had to be let go, those who were the very worst at their jobs got promoted.

The workers were allowed to pack up their personal effects in a box, as long as there were no liquid containers larger than 3 oz.

Now those workers are about to find out how much harder it is to do a job search than it is to administer a strip search.

Fired workers are hoping to find another job that requires advanced groping skills.

“Luggage Locked and Loaded” or “Bullet Plane”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/10/tsa-misses-loaded-gun-in-bag-at-lax/1

A loaded handgun fell out of a duffel bag as the bag was being loaded onto a Portland, Oregon-bound flight out of LAX Sunday.  The TSA doesn’t scan or search checked baggage, but they are giving their assurance that future passengers will really be felt up about it.

Guns may be checked, but are not supposed to have ammunition in them.  But just like pilots, every so often, one gets through, loaded.

While this incident was embarrassing for LAX, they made up for it by confiscating hundreds of harmless water bottles.

“Kids Line”

The Transportation Security Administration will no longer require children 12 and younger to remove their shoes before they go through airport scanners.  unfortunately, this policy change only encourages terrorists to take forever to take off their shoes, put them back on, hold up the whole line, and then cry, embarrassing their parents.

“TSA T&A”

http://newsok.com/in-bra-panties-and-wheelchair-woman-goes-through-oklahoma-city-airport-screening-this-mornin%20%20g/article/3519710?custom_click=lead_story_title

Tammy Vanobac, a woman in a wheelchair who missed her flight after failing to pass an airport security check in Oklahoma City Tuesday, showed up Wednesday wearing nothing but a black bra and panties. She passed the screening in her underwear, but forfeited her status as a “first class” passenger.

In her first attempt to board a day earlier, TSA agents said her wheelchair showed traces of nitrates, which can be used in bombs. In her screening upon her return the next day, the TSA only detected traces of bikini wax.

Had she been arrested today in her bra, onlookers would have seen quite a bust.

Despite paralysis of her legs, bra-clad Tammy proved that she can still handle a push-up.

Even after passing through security, she was almost kicked off the plane because she was smokin’!

“The TSA Is Very Hands-On”

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/flights/2010-10-29-tsa-pat-downs_N.htm

The Transportation Security Administration is changing the way they conduct airport passenger pat-down procedures. Screeners are changing from a patting to more of a hand-sliding motion. To make this more comfortable, all airports will pipe in Barry White music over the PA system.

Passengers who are suspected of carrying anything dangerous will be taken out of the line to be questioned and/or searched. Passengers who pass the point of the pat-down will get flowers and a call for a second date.