“Airport/Job Security”

http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/post/2012/06/tsa-newark-screeners-fired/792310/1

The TSA said Wednesday that they fired 8 of their workers at the Newark airport for various violations, including sleeping on the job.  First the TSA agents were feeling up passengers, now they sleeping with them.

The TSA looked at several job performance factors, and while some employees had to be let go, those who were the very worst at their jobs got promoted.

The workers were allowed to pack up their personal effects in a box, as long as there were no liquid containers larger than 3 oz.

Now those workers are about to find out how much harder it is to do a job search than it is to administer a strip search.

Fired workers are hoping to find another job that requires advanced groping skills.

"TSA Screened"

http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/story/2011-11-16/Congressional-report-calls-TSA-bloated/51246416/1

A new Congressional report calls the TSA “bloated” and “ineffective.”  The report got through to Washington by airplane, completely undetected.

Had the report been a message in a bottle, however, a TSA agent would have forced the carrier to throw the bottle away before boarding.

The House Transportation Committee is troubled over their findings about the TSA.  But they are even more upset about the fact that, from now on, whenever they go through any airport, they can each expect a body cavity search.

“Snakes Almost on a Plane”

http://overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/09/14/7765379-man-caught-with-snakes-in-pants-avoids-jail

A man trying to smuggle snakes in his underwear at the Ft. Lauderdale airport last month pleaded guilty to smuggling charges Wednesday.  Among the snakes were 3 ball pythons, which is why the man hid them near his balls.

The man was also carrying 3 carpet pythons.  The TSA searched the man’s underwear and found the carpets didn’t match the drapes.

TSA agents recovered 3 baby ball pythons from the man’s underwear, along with 3 carpet pythons, 1 children’s python, and a small, pink, hairy snake they couldn’t identify.

“Kids Line”

The Transportation Security Administration will no longer require children 12 and younger to remove their shoes before they go through airport scanners.  unfortunately, this policy change only encourages terrorists to take forever to take off their shoes, put them back on, hold up the whole line, and then cry, embarrassing their parents.

“Honolulu Boo-boo”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/06/tsa-removes-36-honolulu-screeners-managers-for-not-checking-for-explosives/1

In Honolulu, the TSA fired or suspended 48 screeners and managers for failing to check luggage for explosives.  But in the screeners’ defense, not one tube of toothpaste made it through in a carry-on.