One-and-a-Half Liners...

Chelsea Clinton will be married July 31. Her father is very excited, because weddings are always a great place to pick up chicks.

Ringo Starr turned 70 this week. He celebrated by stealing a cake from Pete Best.

China sentenced a United States geologist to eight years in prison for alleged spying. Eight years in a Chinese prison. This means that, even if he somehow gets paroled, he's going to be hungry an hour later.

The United States Coast Guard warned that Journalists who come too close to oil spill clean-up efforts could face a $40,000 fine and even one to five years in prison, where at least they will be safe from the oil.