"Matri-moany"

http://www.inquisitr.com/238748/obama-divorce-story-alleges-michelle-considered-leaving-president-in-2000/

A new book about President Obama claims that after his failed 2000 bid for Congress, the strain almost caused Barack and Michelle to get a divorce, which the First Couple say is not true.  Discussion of divorce is irrelevant though, say a group of Birthers, who claim the Obamas can’t prove that they were even married in America.

In a related story, Newt Gingrich always considered any political career struggle as an unofficial annulment of whatever marriage he happened to be in at the time.

“Arnold Likes to Pump Up, but Not Pay Up”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/07/schwarzenegger-rejects-spousal-support-/1

According to their divorce papers, Arnold Schwarzenegger does not want to pay spousal support to Maria Shriver.  To be fair, he’s been out of a job since January.

Arnold is trying to cut her off like she was a California state employee.

If you objectively look at the math, Arnold really cannot afford to pay spousal support, because he’s got too many hush money payments to keep making to his other former mistresses.

“Face the Music”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2011-07-15-jennifer-lopez-mark-anthony-divorce_n.htm

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have announced through a publicist that they are ending their marriage of 7 years.  They did not announce arrangements for their 3-year-old twins, but the couple will share joint custody of Jennifer’s booty.

Though news of the break-up is sad, what’s even sadder is now Steven Tyler thinks he’s got a shot.

WARNING: Explicit Material. “In Disposed”

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/07/oc-woman-in-custody-for-poisoning-husband-cutting-off-his-penis.html

A California woman is facing multiple felony charges for allegedly drugging her estranged husband, tying him up, cutting off his penis, and throwing it in a garbage disposal.  She was obviously upset, but now he is totally P’d off.

The couple is in the midst of a messy divorce, and she made it a lot messier.

At least her actions will prevent one of those ugly custody battles for the penis.

Feeling especially violated is the garbage disposal.