“Putting Money Where Their Mouths Are”

http://now.msn.com/money/0510-fast-food-obesity-study.aspx

Washington University is offering $3,500 to participants in a 3-month obesity study, who have to be overweight and be willing to gain weight for the study. So far, the only people qualified for the study are all Americans.

As a bonus, they get to keep the money even if they die during the study.

Lots of volunteers are running to sign up.  Well, their walking and out of breath to sign up.

The study is being conducted by Washington University in St. Louis.  Who knew they were secretly owned by McDonald’s.

The researchers hope to learn more about the development of diabetes and cardiovascular problems.  Well, they’re gonna.

Similarly, when the same group wants to learn about guns, they’re just going to start shooting people.

The students conducting the study are majoring in irresponsibility.

When observers see an overweight person handed that easy $3500 , they are going to say, “Now that is a fat wad.”

“Smaller Snooki”

Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki” Poizzi has been on a program to lose weight, and looking slimmer than ever, she says she’s down to 107 lbs.   That only leaves 107 to go.

Snooki is happy to have lost so much weight, saying “This is f*cking cool.  I can get sh*t-faced on less booze, now.”

“Carrie Away”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/05/carrie-fisher-shows-off-slimmer-shape--/1

Carrie Fisher has said that she has lost 30 lbs. on the Jenny Craig weight loss program.  At her former weight, she looked less like Princess Leia and more like Jabba the Hutt.

Of her appearance before she started the diet program, Darth Vadar said, “Obi-Wan was wise to hide her.”

Carrie said she loves her new body, and Han Solo said, “I know.”

Her weight had created a great disturbance in The Force, which is what Star Wars nerds call their regret over their masturbation fantasies.