“Putting Money Where Their Mouths Are”

http://now.msn.com/money/0510-fast-food-obesity-study.aspx

Washington University is offering $3,500 to participants in a 3-month obesity study, who have to be overweight and be willing to gain weight for the study. So far, the only people qualified for the study are all Americans.

As a bonus, they get to keep the money even if they die during the study.

Lots of volunteers are running to sign up.  Well, their walking and out of breath to sign up.

The study is being conducted by Washington University in St. Louis.  Who knew they were secretly owned by McDonald’s.

The researchers hope to learn more about the development of diabetes and cardiovascular problems.  Well, they’re gonna.

Similarly, when the same group wants to learn about guns, they’re just going to start shooting people.

The students conducting the study are majoring in irresponsibility.

When observers see an overweight person handed that easy $3500 , they are going to say, “Now that is a fat wad.”

“Tall Tale”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/cancer/story/2011/07/Taller-people-at-greater-risk-for-cancer-study-finds/49569228/1

A new British study suggests that taller people may be at higher risk for certain types of cancer.  As a result, many tall teenagers have begun smoking to stunt their growth.

On the flipside, short women are more likely to endure the pain of high heels.

“Heavy News”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/heartdisease/story/2011/03/Out-of-shape-Intense-exercise-sex-may-raise-heart-risk/45194406/1

A new research study warns that people who are out of shape may be at greater risk of heart attack prompted by sudden physical activy, including sex. Fortunately, fat people have a lower risk of getting laid.

The risk of heart attack for single men is less, because when they have sex, their hearts are less likely to be involved.

Married men who have sex with another woman, however, are more likely to be killed by their wives, which the wives refer to as “natural causes.”

“Pollution Solution?”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/greenhouse/post/2010/11/six-worst-global-pollutants-report/1

A new health study names the worst pollutants threatening the well being of the world. Topping the list are lead, mercury, and Spencer Pratt.

The report says that the pollutants primarily threaten children. Said a tobacco company spokesman, “Hey, that’s okay, as long as you don’t advertise directly to them. …Directly, right?” (Wink.)