"Spell Check”

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/30/tech/mobile/amercia-romney-iphone-app/index.html

Mitt Romney’s iPad app had an embarrassing misspelling, promising a “A better Amercia,” reversing the c and i.  Dick Cheney is sticking up for his fellow Republican, noting than when he was in power, he was l slowly turning all of America into the CIA.

Romney tried to diffuse the mistake by saying that, if elected, he’ll place more emphasis on educashuns.

Mitt thinks that statistics will help his case.  His new website says he’s even running for President of the United Stats of America.

Critics are asking why Romney didn’t have someone proofread the text, but as Republicans have said since Gitmo and the Patriot Act, you don’t need proof.

Meanwhile, Romney’s poll numbers have sharply increased in the small island nation of Amercia.

It was surprising that Mitt didn’t have auto-correct, especially since he claims to have saved the entire auto industry.

Romney admits that he misspelled America, but he won’t admit that he is misreading it.

The corrected app now promising that Mitt will build a better United Stakes.

“Newt’s News”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2012/05/newt-gingrich-withdraw-impact-mitt-romney-rick-santorum/1#.T6G5cbM192D

Newt Gingrich formally suspended his presidential campaign today, making way for Mitt Romney’s GOP nomination.  Gingrich did not formally endorse Romney, but he’ll show support his own way.  He’ll have an affair with Romney, and then leave his current wife for him.

For the last several weeks, Gingrich has been fighting a losing battle, but wasn’t willing to give up.  It’s the exact opposite strategy he has been using regarding his weight.

"Marines, Republicans, a Rhino, and the FBI

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/09/10364262-marines-posed-with-flag-resembling-nazi-ss-logo-in-afghanistan

The Marine Corps  confirmed that in a photograph that appeared on the Internet, one of their Afghanistan sniper teams posed in front of a flag resembling the SS of Nazi Germany.  Noting that everything must be taken in context, at the time, those Marines were trying to impress Dick Cheney.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2012/02/rick-santorum-gallup-tracking-poll-mitt-romney-/1

Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum has surged way ahead of Newt Gingrich, thanks to winning 3 primary elections this week in Colorado, Minnesota, and Missouri.  Though, no matter how far ahead Santorum may be, you can always still see Newt behind him just because of his massive girth.

http://worldnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/09/10364240-rhino-dies-in-anti-poaching-demo-by-

conservationists

In a conservation group’s anti-poaching demonstration gone wrong, a rhinoceros died in South Africa, when a tranquilizer used to sedate the animal killed it instead.  Trying to save face, the organization changed their message, warning to rhinos to just say “no” to drugs.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2012/02/fbi-releases-file-on-apples-steve-jobs/1

Today the FBI released the file they had on Steve Jobs, from 1991, when then President H. W. Bush was considering his as a US Export Council appointee.  Though the file is now public, you can’t read it because their PC’s crashed.

The FBI also has a file on Bill Gates.  It costs about half as much to get, but it sucks.

“Poor Mitt”

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/01/10289765-romney-im-not-concerned-about-the-very-poor

In a brief sound bite this week, Mitt Romney was quoted as saying that he is “not concerned about the very poor” in America.  Romney defended the quote, saying he thought the poor were a myth, like

fairies and ghosts.

Mitt believes in the Abominable Snowman, however, because he has personally met Newt Gingrich.

Romney clarified his statement that he need not be concerned about the poor because there is a safety net in place.  By that he means there is a protective net around the rich so the poor can’t get to them.

“Rick’s Retreat”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/story/2012-01-19/perry-republican-race/52677368/1

Rick Perry ended his presidential campaign Thursday, just 2 days shy of the South Carolina primary.  Apparently, he thought that was the last one.

Perry is looking forward to going back to Texas to tend to the matters of his office as governor. Especially, picking up syringes to personally vaccinate all Texas teen girls.

Perry quickly gave his endorsement to Newt Gingrich, pointing out that even while he was running, he planned to vote for Gingrich.

Perry said Gingrich wouldn’t be afraid to tell Washington interests to take a hike.  He’s right.  A pay hike.

Gingrich said he was humbled by Perry’s endorsement.  That marks the first time Gingrich’s name has

ever appeared in the same sentence as the word ‘humble.’

Perry decided on Gingrich because, with all his womanizing, he seems the least likely to be gay.

As the governor of Texas, Perry’s one regret is that you can’t kill a campaign by lethal injection or electric chair.