Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Show Me the Money

Bad news for the Treasury Department today. A federal appeals court ruled that U.S. paper currency discriminates against the blind, because denominations cannot be determined without sight. As a result, The Treasury Department will immediately begin silently making faces and rude gestures at blind people.

The Treasury's Bureau of Printing and Engraving admits that there is no way for the blind to tell the difference between 1, 5, 10, and 20 dollar bills. However, the point may be moot. All we need are 5's. With inflation, 1's are all but useless, and with the recession, no one has any 10's and 20's.

While blind people have a point, the ACLA jumped on the bandwagon saying that different denominations of money really discriminate against the poor.

No one brought up minting new coins, but just by nature, people are always resistant to change.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Traffic Accident Causes Trucker to Toss his Cookies

Illinois state police reported today that a truck carrying 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos overturned in an Interstate highway near Chicago. A replacement shipment has already been routed to the delivery truck's single destination: Oprah's house.

Many on-loookers described the scene of the accident as looking delicious.

Debris from the crash needs to be removed from both sides of the median in order to allow traffic to pass. In order to work faster to remove the cookies, authorities on hand were each issued an emergency glass of milk.