“South of the Bieber”

Last night Justin Bieber walked off stage ending a Buenos Aires concert early for the second time since visiting South America, this time citing food poisoning as the reason.   Because it just sounds conceited to say he had a Bieber fever.

Bieber’s manager said his food poisoning was so severe he spent the 8 hours before the show on an IV drip.  Said The Rolling Stones, “An IV drip?  Big deal – we do that before every show.

Bieber was already at the center of controversy in South America, allegedly visiting a brothel, which may be the real origin of his “drip.”

"Bieber Baby Claim Bounced"

http://wonderwall.msn.com/music/gossip-justin-biebers-baby-accuser-drops-paternity-suit-1653571.story

Mariah Yeater, the woman who claimed that Justin Bieber was the father of her baby, dropped her paternity suit last week, after Bieber denied the claims, volunteered to take a DNA test, and had his lawyers preparing a lawsuit against her.  But what really got her to drop the suit was when it came out  that Justin Bieber is a girl.

Her only evidence was that she’d named the alleged love-child after Bieber.  She calls the baby Big Money.

You know, to make her claim more believable, she should at least have waited for Justin to hit puberty.

When the story broke, Bieber immediately denied knowing the woman, and his comment was, “I’ll always be a target, but I’ll never be a victim.”  Justin, that’s not entirely true.  You won’t have to worry about being a target five years from now, when you’ll be a forgotten has-been.

At that point, you’re comeback options will be to either star in a reality show, or to actually impregnate a current pop star.

If you go on a television interview claiming that you’re baby is Justin Bieber’s, but then quickly drop that claim, you have to go back on television, just to be ridiculed.  It will be good practice for when you go back on TV soon after, to find out the real baby daddy on Maury Povich.

Or, if you’re going to falsely claim that a celebrity fathered your baby, you at least have to do the proper preparation.  Research the celebrity.  Like, in the case of Justin Bieber, interview his pediatrician to make sure the kid’s got a penis.  Get a Bieber wig and sneakers for the baby to wear in front of the paparazzi.  It won’t fool anyone, but you’ll actually get better press if the media thinks you’re crazy instead of an lying gold-digger.

"Bieber's Other Hair"

Justin Bieber tweeted this week that in the next month he plan on growing a mustache. He will get the moustache by quickly drinking a full glass of milk.

Of course, if he grows a real mustache, it will somehow swoop over his forehead.

“Bieber Reader”

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber is writing his memoirs. He plans to start writing as soon as he is old enough to learn how to read.

Rather than typing or dictating the memoir, Justin will just scribble it with crayons.

You already know the ending by the bottom of the first page, though, because the book will only be one page.

This will be the publisher’s first hardcover pamphlet.

Publishers deny padding the content of the book and insist that most biographies feature pictures of the subject’s hair on every other page.