“Judging Lindsay”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2012/01/lindsay-lohan-back-in-court-probation-hearing/1

Lindsay Lohan was back in court Tuesday morning for a probation hearing.  The judge was impressed by her recent completion of community service hours and counseling sessions.  But even more impressed by her Playboy photos.

Despite her legal troubles, Lindsay is clearly trying to cooperate with the court and trying to get back to having a normal life.  Of course, for Lindsay, normal is going to the Golden Globes between weeks of community service hours at the morgue, after posing for naked pictures for $1 million.

“Lohan Leaked”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/12/linday-lohans-playboy-cover-/1?csp=hf

The cover for the upcoming Playboy magazine featuring Lindsay Lohan has been leaked online, a week before the issue will be available.   It’s the first time anyone has been interested in Lindsay or Playboy in years.

The cover photo features Lindsay posed on a bunny shaped chair.  A posed shot was chosen over the all the candids because all of those captured Lindsay either doing drugs or stealing jewelry.

Lindsay is certainly no stranger to the camera, having spent the last few years on court TV and county jail security footage.

In the photos, Lindsay shows one of her body parts not normally seen by her fans: her ankle without an electronic monitoring device.

Playboy called the pictures ‘tasteful,’ because when you pay someone $1 million to pose nude, no matter what you ask them to do, you’re going to consider it tasteful.

Lindsay almost had a substance abuse relapse on the set due to a strong alcohol odor, but it was just Hef walking through smelling like formaldehyde.

“Hef’t at the Alter”

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/hugh-hefner-and-crytsal-harris-call-off-wedding/2011/06/14/AGrHAqUH_blog.html

Hugh Hefner and fiancé Crystal Harris have reportedly called off their wedding.  Apparently Hef realized that in just a couple years, she would be too old for him.

The couple allegedly broke up after an argument on the phone.  No matter what Crystal said, Hef kept going, “What?  What?  I can’t hear.  Speak up.  Where’s the volume?”

Hef tweeted that Crystal has had a “change of heart.”  Which happened when she realized that any day now, Hef would literally need to change his heart.

This is bad news for Hef’s adult media empire, since the “Playboy lifestyle” now means being humiliated when your girl publicly dumps you.

The breakup is especially painful for Hef, who, at 85, is reminded of his bride-to-have-been every time recalls the age of his grandchildren.

“The Wedding Episode”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/06/hugh-hefner-wedding-to-be-televised/1

Hugh Hefner’s upcoming wedding will be televised as a special on Lifetime.  Hid fiancé Crystal Harris wanted it to be on television in case Hef doesn’t remember getting married afterwards.

The wedding will not be broadcast live, just in case Hef isn’t.

Hef has said he also wants the wedding to have a pre-quel.  But he meant pre-nup.

Lifetime is known as “Television for Women.”  Hefner made the deal with them hoping he could get all those women naked.

“Playboy Mansion Hosts Sick Party”

http://www.laobserved.com/archive/2011/02/playboy_mansion_toll_now.php

LA County Health officials say that 170 people who attended a party at the Playboy Mansion have reported symptoms of being ill. They have cold chills, shortness of breath, lack of energy, and general discomfort. Basically, they all caught ‘Being Hugh Hefner;s age.’

"Hef's Bet"

http://www.usatoday.com/money/media/2011-01-10-playboy-buyout-Hefner_N.htm?csp=obnetwork

Playboy has agreed to a deal to allow major shareholder Hugh Hefner take the company private. Ironically, the success of the company was built on other people’s privates.

Hef will pay a reported price of $6.15 a share, plus he will pay for the board of directors’ breast implants.

“Guess Hugh’s Getting Married?”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2010-12-26-hefner-engaged_N.htm

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has gotten engaged at the age of 84 to Crystal Harris, a 23-year-old Playboy Playmate. Harris insists she doesn’t have any “daddy issues,” but she does has plenty of “granddaddy issues.”

Harris says that despite their age difference, she and Hef have plenty to talk about. For example, every day she reminds him who she is.

Though he’s 60 years older than her, Hef isn’t worried that Crystal might run out on him. Ironically, Crystal is far more worried that Hef’s money is going to run out on her.

Hef says his desire to marry Crystal is like Playboy itself: a desperate grasp for relevance in today's world.

Marrying Hef will be Crystal’s declaration of true love of money and celebrity.

Hef says that his love for Crystal makes his passion for Playboy pale by comparison. Kind of like how the Internet did for everyone else.

Hef says that the excitement of being with Crystal makes him feel like it’s the swinging 70’s again. Or, it could be that some days he really just thinks it actually is.

Because she’s marrying Hefner, the only things Crystal will need for the wedding are something new, something borrowed, and something blue.