Tuesday, February 24, 2009

“De-Grading on a Curve”

A study to be published in The American Journal of Preventative Medicine says there may be a link between teen sexual activity and music that has “degrading” sexual lyrics. In reaction, retailers are quickly pulling all copies of The Beatles’ “I Want to Hold your Hand.”

Results of the study may have already made a bunch of ‘Emo’ kids cry. On the other hand, it’s hard to tell, because they were also crying before the study even began.

Teen boys who prefer hip-hop presented challenges when being surveyed for the study because they were busy degrading their girlfriends sexually during the interview.

Rappers themselves participated in the study, but only so far as to show up unannounced, personally perform degrading sex acts on the researchers, and then leave.

There has been a long suspected link between teen behavior and the music they listen to. This theory has been researched with kids who listen to heavy metal, but has never been proven. This may be because the kids always kill and eat the researchers.

The researchers, all mature adult scientists, also listened to the music for the sake of the study, but it had no affect on any of their sex lives, especially with respect to degrading activities. That’s because, when you're middle-aged, just listening to Top 40 is degrading enough.

Teens’ sexual activity is prompting cultural and economic changes as well, such as iTunes new online-order-only line of iCondoms.

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