It is rare that The News gives us a gem like this. This story isn't just a 'jot down a few lines' kind of piece.
It demands more. So here are 20 - that's right, 20 - jokes about Snooki being pregnant.
1. In a disturbing development, Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is reportedly pregnant. Snooki is upset because it means she got addicted to coke to lose all that weight for nothing.
2. J-Woww blacked out several nights over the past couple months, making her think she may be the father.
3. The father of the baby: the entire state of New Jersey.
4. Snooki found out she was pregnant by peeing on a test stick, which is normal. On the other hand, she did so in a nightclub parking lot – which is normal for Snooki.
5. Snooki began to suspect she might be pregnant when she started feeling nauseous and started vomiting in the morning, right in between her usual drunk barfing and hangover puking.
6. Unfortunately, Snooki’s idea of caring for her unborn baby is shooting tanning spray up her vagina.
7. It’s far too soon to know if the baby is a boy or a girl, but we already know Snooki’s having an alcoholic.
8. Snooki is definitely having a Guido baby. When she goes to get an ultrasound, the technician smears hair gel on her stomach.
9. This is really Snooki’s baby. At a recent doctor’s visit, it was the first time MTV ever had to bleep the audio from an ultrasound.
10. According to reports on the fetus, it is already the same height as Snooki.
11. Snooki may decide to go with a natural childbirth. She says she won’t need an epidural since she’ll be drunk and stoned before she goes to the hospital.
12. Snooki says she is okay with having sex while pregnant, or as she called it, a 3-way.
13. Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino is happy about the news, because even compared to running head-first into a solid stone wall, Snooki getting pregnant is stupid.
14. Snooki plans to breastfeed, because there’s no reason to deny her baby something everyone else had had access to.
15. Snooki hopes she is having a girl. She has cute clothes in mind for both, but if it’s a girl she already knows what tramp stamp the baby is getting.
16. Little is known about the growing baby so far, except that it seems healthy, and it makes out with both guys and girls.
17. For baby names, Snooki would like something that sounds familiar, yet comes from deep inside her. Right now, her 2 top choices are Gonorrhea and Chlamydia.
18. Jionni LaValle, Snooki’s boyfriend and the presumed father of the baby, doesn’t think he’s the one who got her pregnant, because he says he wasn’t pregnant when they had sex.
19. Snooki wants the baby to have his or her own reality show, and is already trying to convince cameramen to go up into her coochie.
20. As a Catholic, Snooki wouldn’t consider abortion as a form of birth control. But as a skank, she’d do it for the weight loss.
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