October 8

“Plan Bee”

At a Florida airport, thousands of bees were found trying to nest on the wing of a plane. The FAA is demanding an answer the question, "How did they get their stingers through security?"

The bees are being carefully watched, because if they produce more than 4 ounces of honey it will be confiscated and disposed of.

The bees were last seen grabbing two beers and yelling "I quit,” over the PA system.

“No-Beller Prize”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/nobel_peace_prize

The 2010 Nobel Peace Prize winner is Liu Xiaobo, who is in a Chinese prison for campaigning for political reform in that country. In prison, Liu calls for peaceful political change, but can’t do anything. Last year’s winner was President Obama, who also called for change, but then also can’t seem to do anything.

Vice president Joe Biden was upset. Since Obama got the Nobel last year, Biden figured he should have had it in the bag this year.

“Dangerous Games”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/news/2010-10-08-rushdie_N.htm

Author Salman Rushdie has a new book out this week, Luka and the Fire of Life. Rushdie says the novel was inspired by video game adventures, and for this Zelda, Lara Kroft, and the Mario Brothers have already called for his death.

Rushdie says he will now go back into hiding, which is what he calls The World of Warcraft.

“See Rick Run… at the Mouth”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2010-10-08-sanchez_N.htm

In an interview on Good Morning America, former CNN host Rick Sanchez admitted that he “screwed up” by making comments criticizing Jon Stewart and making thinly veiled references to Jewish people “running the media.” Hoping to be re-hired in television, Sanchez has apologized, is brushing up his resume, and plans to learn ass-kissing phrases in Yiddish.

Jokes 10.08.10

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“Piercing Stare”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/10/nc-teen-suspended-for-her-nose-piercing-is-ordered-readmitted-/1

A North Carolina teen was readmitted to her high school following a suspension over her refusal to remove a nose piercing, which she says she wears as a member of the Church of Body Modification, an organization supporting all types of tattoo and body-piercing forms of expression. No one is sure how the church got their hooks into her.

The girl has been suspended 4 times, missing 21 days of school. Said the vice-principal: “Besides her nose piecing, she also has a big holes in her attendance record. Good luck getting a good job with THAT.”

“Dora Mighty Sor-a”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2010-10-07-dora-explorer-lawsuit_N.htm

Caitlin Sanchez, the teen actress who voices Dora the Explorer is suing Nickelodeon, saying the kids network owes her million of dollars for reruns, DVD sales, merchandise, and more. The network says they don’t have the money – it was stolen by Swiper the Fox.

She’s also suing Backpack for unwanted physical contact on the set.

Meanwhile, he sidekick Boots is tired of being treated like a performing monkey.

“Feliz Cumpleanos a Dora”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2010-08-10-dora10_ST_N.htm

Dora the Explorer, the heroine from Nickelodeon’s top-rated show, turns 10 this week. In a special episode, Dora wises off to her parents, and ditches exploring to hang out with her friends at the mall.

Dora’s mother and father will also be questioned by Child Services for letting such a young girl go around exploring for a decade with no parental supervision.

Dora has a message for all the parents of pre-schoolers that she has entertained and helped educate, including teaching Spanish. She said, “I can hardly believe it has been 10 years. You know what? I’m sick of babysitting all of your kids for free. Thanks for nada!”