“Water Test”

http://travel.usatoday.com/destinations/dispatches/post/2012/06/survey-clean-beaches-national-resources-defense-council/789540/1?csp=hf

The Natural Resources Defense Council’s annual report on beach safety is being released today, naming the worst beaches for pollution and health violations, including beaches in California, Illinois, and Louisiana high on the list.  Still, the most bacteria-infected body of water is the Jersey Shore hot tub.

In California, both Avalon and Doheny State Beach were reported for persistant contamination problems.  Not surprisingly, the number one contributing factor towards water-borne diseases on the beaches of California is the Kardashians.

“Meat, the Staph”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/story/2011/04/Study-Half-of-supermarket-meat-may-have-staph-bug---/46172802/1

A nonprofit group’s report says that half of supermarket meat may be tainted with staph bacteria.  This means you’re 100% safe from staph if you eat at Taco Bell.

Consumers were outraged, mainly because the idea of a staph infection reminded them of Rosie O’Donnell.

Staph is staphylococcus aureus, a bacteria that should be killed as long as the meat is properly cooked.  Most Americans don’t worry much about it, because they think you can’t catch what you can’t pronounce.

Those who eat meat are warned to cook it thoroughly, those who handle raw meat are warned to wash their hands thoroughly, and vegans are warned to quit being such douches about it.

The research included samples of beef, chicken, turkey, and pork.  Since the bacteria was found on each type, it implies that farm animals are getting a lot more promiscuous.