“Shark Week”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2011-09-07/Calif-lawmakers-pass-bill-banning-shark-fin-trade/50291584/1

The California legislature is seeking to ban the selling, buying, and possession of shark fins.  Except through licensed, medical shark fin dispensaries.

If shark fins become illegal, police will be arresting anyone caught driving a 1959 Cadillac.

The idea is to get people to stop hunting and killing sharks for food, but no new legislation is trying to keep sharks from killing people for food.

“Tanning: A Dark Tale”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/cancer/story/0//ny-lawmakers-push-for-first-indoor-tanning-ban-for-youths/46799852/1

The New York stale legislature will be considering a bill to ban the use of tanning beds by minors.  The bill may be redundant, since minors are already legally prohibited from smoking.

To keep their businesses accessible to those under 18, tanning salons will simply change the signs outside their stores to say “Abortion Clinic.”

The World Health organization, American medical Association and American Cancer Society all support legislation to limit or ban artificial tanning devices.  In fact, the only major organization that favors the use of these machines is Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Those supporting the ban say they are trying to save people from harm, despite the fact that it may also accidentally save cast members from Jersey Shore.

“Bullyish Economics” or “Jerks in Jersey”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2010-11-19-new-jersey-bully-bill_N.htm

New Jersey lawmakers have introduced an bill to offer counseling and create peer awareness to protect college students from bullying. If it passes, enforcement will cost taxpayers their daily lunch money – if they know what’s good for them.

Any legislator that doesn’t vote to approve the measure will be called a sissy and shoved into a locker.

The measure is meant to prohibit harassment based on sexual orientation, gender, race, or ethnicity. But, to preserve college tradition, jocks can still pick on nerds.

Though the bill is meant to protect against bullying based on race or ethnicity, it's still New Jersey, so people's tans are still fair game.

Also, even if all bullying is eliminated, members of college fraternities will still have the right to be a**holes.