“Not So Sunny News” or “Left Is Not Right”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/cancer/story/2011/06/US-drivers-more-likely-to-develop-skin-cancers-on-left-arm/48414006/1

New research says that American drivers are more likely to get skin cancer on their left arm, due to prolonged sun exposure from having their arm out the window.  To minimize their risk, worried citizens are moving to England.

Republicans may be safer in American cars, since they lean to the right.

It’s possible that drivers of convertible cars are at the greatest risk of harmful sun exposure, but thankfully, they tend to be douchebags.

“Tanning: A Dark Tale”

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/cancer/story/0//ny-lawmakers-push-for-first-indoor-tanning-ban-for-youths/46799852/1

The New York stale legislature will be considering a bill to ban the use of tanning beds by minors.  The bill may be redundant, since minors are already legally prohibited from smoking.

To keep their businesses accessible to those under 18, tanning salons will simply change the signs outside their stores to say “Abortion Clinic.”

The World Health organization, American medical Association and American Cancer Society all support legislation to limit or ban artificial tanning devices.  In fact, the only major organization that favors the use of these machines is Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Those supporting the ban say they are trying to save people from harm, despite the fact that it may also accidentally save cast members from Jersey Shore.