Monday, September 17, 2007

O.J. Simpson was arrested Sunday, following an incident in Las Vegas, where Simpson and gun-toting friends allegedly stormed into a hotel room and demanded collectible items that O.J. claimed were his own personal sports memorabilia. Since when are a pair of gloves and a knife considered sports memorabilia?

Simpson was allegedly trying to recover items from his football career, not because of any sentimentality, but because he has heard that on E-Bay, you can really make a killing.

Simpson was held without bail in Las Vegas, on charges ranging from robbery, burglary and conspiracy to assault with a deadly weapon. Simpson says the whole thing was just a stunt to promote his new book, “If I Robbed and Assaulted You at Gunpoint.”

Simpson alleges that the only reason he burst into the hotel room was he was looking for ‘the real killers.’

The Las Vegas collectors were not injured, even though, at one point they fell or were knocked to the ground. Luckily, they landed on a soft, round, flabby Britney Spears.

It’s a shame to think of the how far O.J. has fallen, arrested for robbery and burglary charges. It seems like only yesterday that the youth of America could look up to him as a true cold-blooded murderer.



Ashton Kutcher was among celebrities attending a Kabbalah conference in Israel. Kutcher said that Kabbalah answered important questions about life for him, and has made him a better actor, proving for certain that it doesn’t work.

Other celebrities including Rosie O’Donnell were also there, which is ironic, since Whoopi Goldberg is the one with the Jewish name.

Madonna was there, calling herself an “ambassador for Judaism.” Apparently, she considered her 2003 VMA open-mouth kiss with Britney Spears her Bat-Mitzvah.

Madonna then went on to officially pronounce pork kosher.

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