Longtime Chicago Cubs fans, a Mr. and Mrs. Fields, have named their new baby boy Wrigley, after the home stadium of the Cubs. The parents have already said that when the boy gets older, he can use his middle name if he wants, or just change his last name to Spearmint.

The parents actually thought of the name the moment their son was born and the doctor swatted him on his bottom. He had two balls, one strike.

Congratulations also to older brother Battle and sisters Air and Wheat.



Somebody stole a pet rabbit from its cage at a Spokane, WA pre-school. Either that or a magic trick in the school talent show went terribly wrong.

Police suspect a faked kidnapping, as evidenced by the ransom demand for 1 carrot.

A witness description of the rabbit as a "long-eared, buck-toothed, fur-bearing rodent" led to stalking charges against the witness, one Yosemite Sam.



Math and reading scores are up, nationally, according to standardized tests. Math scores jumped from 213 to 240 on 4th grade tests on average, an improvement of, like, 100 points.

Eighth graders test sores improved noticeably, overall, ad they are more motivated than ever to appear smarter than a fifth grader.



Keifer Sutherland was arrested early Tuesday morning on drunk driving charges. Just as he was pulled over, an announcer’s voice-over was heard to say, “The following takes place between 0.8 and 1.6 blood alcohol level.”
Presumed innocent until proven guilty, its possible Keifer had been drugged by counter-intelligence double agents, who were trying to set him up for a few days in jail, 5 years probation, and probably some community service.