PrimATE

A Liberian woman who had illegally imported monkey meat to New York had her claim that it was to be eaten for spiritual purposes rejected by a federal judge. The only religious context most people have for monkeys is their 1960’s hit song, “I’m a Believer.”

The woman further claimed that the monkeys’ had no value other than as food, since they didn’t play their own instruments.

The judge said the woman’s faith was no excuse for failing to apply for special permits to import exotic food into the country. It may be that she was simply up to monkey business.

Speaking of unusual foods, it also may be that her famous tangy orange-tan sauce was, in fact, orangutan.

Health officials felt it necessary to warn consumers that eating primate meat may have negative side-effects, such as monkey-breath, and involuntarily flinging your own poo at people.