“Kids Line”

The Transportation Security Administration will no longer require children 12 and younger to remove their shoes before they go through airport scanners.  unfortunately, this policy change only encourages terrorists to take forever to take off their shoes, put them back on, hold up the whole line, and then cry, embarrassing their parents.

“Healthy Happy Meals”

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/2011-07-26-McDonalds-apples-happy-meal_n.htm

McDonald’s is launching a change to their Happy Meals for kids: apple slices in every box.  It’s part of their new initiative to send more traffic to Burger King.

The most difficult part of the transition for McDonald’s is the training to keep their employees from instinctively deep-frying the apple slices.

Kids seemed genuinely excited about apple-filled Happy Meals, but that’s because, when they heard the word Apple, they thought their Happy Meals came with Apple gift cards for iTunes. 

“’Desperate’ Seeking Susan?”

Susan Lucci has confirmed that after All My Children ends she may be joining the cast of Desperate Housewives.  Her fans approve, since they are named in the title of the show.

“Cleaning Out Soaps”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/04/abc-cancels-all-my-children-and-one-life-to-live/1

ABC has cancelled long running sop operas All My Children and One Life to Live.  Instead of watching, the audience for both shows will now have to get a life to live.

The network would have kept All My Children on, but they’ve literally run out of people for Susan Lucci’s character Erica Kane to sleep with.

They’ve also run out of ABC executives for Susan Lucci to sleep with.

All my Children has been on so long, it should be called “All My Great-Grandchildren.”