Galactic Empire

Disney has bought Lucasfilm for a reported $4 billion, with plans to make Star Wars Episodes 7, 8, and 9.  Already, Darth Vader’s helmet is being fitted with mouse ears.

George Lucas will be involved with the new sequels as a consultant, so he still has a chance to ruin them.

It is hard to calculate whether the franchise is really woth $4 billion, making some suspect that Disney executives became the victims of a Jedi mind trick.

With Star Wars becoming a part of the Disney family, Pinocchio finally has a wooden brother in Hayden Christiansen.

Instead of being considered “lame,” Jar-Jar Binks will be reclassified as “wholesome.”

Disney's growing empire has made some nostalgic for the Old Republic.

Disney knows how to handle the storm troopers, since its slate of romantic comedies proves they have plenty of experience with clones.

"Disney Baby”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2011-10-05/baby-sale/50670082/1

A Delaware woman is facing charges for trying to sell her baby to get money for a trip to Disney World.  In her defense, raising a child is, in many ways, like a roller coaster ride.

The mother was offered $15,000.  Many parents in poor countries around the globe would have to admit at least being tempted over such an offer, proving it’s a small world after all.

“Animated Discussion”

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2011-04-04-creepy-animation_N.htm

The Disney movie Mars Needs Moms may have failed with moviegoers due an animation reaction known as the “uncanny valley,” a phenomenon of rejecting animated characters who look realistically human, but still somehow lack the feeling of a real living person. Viewers have the same reaction to Joan Rivers and George Hamilton.

“Holy Land”

Disney announced this week that they are opening a theme park in Israel. Instead of just being The Happiest Place of Earth, it’s The Holiest Place on Earth.

Some of the attractions will be a little different than other Disney parks. The Tea Cups are only for hot water with lemon.

The park will open as soon as they give Mickey Mouse his bris.

You’ll see Mickey, Donald, and Goofy, but not Pluto because dogs aren’t allowed in the house.

On Saturdays, you can walk around the park, but you can’t drive the bumper cars.

On the Splash Mountain ride, the water splits in the middle and splashes you from the sides.

Tomorrow Land is called The World to Come.

The Haunted Mansion isn’t haunted; it’s just the house settling.

If you don’t have a Fast Pass, you’ll wait in line for 40 years.

If you touch or even approach the foot of Space Mountain, you will surely die.

Inside the Pirates of the Caribbean cave, the lagoon flows will milk and honey.

If you run out of money for concessions, just gather manna on the ground.

Even the Little Mermaid is wearing long sleeves.

The Mad Hatter wears a Borselino.

Popular snacks include Paschal lamb, Clouds of Glory Cotton Candy, and Frozen Banana on-a-stick-that-turns-into-a-snake.

See the show, “Cinderella’s Royal Wedding.” After the Prince marries Cinderella, he breaks a glass slipper.

See the other show: “Peter Pan’s Bar Mitzvah.” Instead of fighting Captain Hook, he debates his Talmudic argument.