Galactic Empire

Disney has bought Lucasfilm for a reported $4 billion, with plans to make Star Wars Episodes 7, 8, and 9.  Already, Darth Vader’s helmet is being fitted with mouse ears.

George Lucas will be involved with the new sequels as a consultant, so he still has a chance to ruin them.

It is hard to calculate whether the franchise is really woth $4 billion, making some suspect that Disney executives became the victims of a Jedi mind trick.

With Star Wars becoming a part of the Disney family, Pinocchio finally has a wooden brother in Hayden Christiansen.

Instead of being considered “lame,” Jar-Jar Binks will be reclassified as “wholesome.”

Disney's growing empire has made some nostalgic for the Old Republic.

Disney knows how to handle the storm troopers, since its slate of romantic comedies proves they have plenty of experience with clones.

"'Red Tails Tale"

George Lucas' new movie "Red Tails" opens this weekend.  Not only does it showcase the real-life heroism of the Tuskegee airmen, it also functions as an apology to black movie-goers who were offended by Jar Jar Binks.

The movie’s big twist is when the audience learns that star Cuba Gooding Jr.’s father is really James Earl Jones.

I don’t know if the movie is good, but if does well commercially, expect 2 sequels and a prequel trilogy to follow.

“Police Force.”

http://specials.msn.com/a-list/news/trooper-tasers-darth-vader-psp

A Florida state trooper was forced to use a Taser on a man dressed as Darth Vader.  The suspect was drunk and was accused of publicly exposing his light saber.

The trooper had to get the upper hand before his suspect could power up the Death Star.

But at least it didn’t happen in front of his kids, Luke and Leia.

For besting Vader in battle, the Trooper has been promoted to Storm Trooper.

In implementing the taser, the trooper used the force.  Specifically, he used non-lethal force.

“’Star’ Stars War”

http://social.entertainment.msn.com/movies/blogs/the-hitlist-blog.aspx?feat=f1a61369-780d-4522-b1a1-888492561923

A feud has erupted between William Shatner and Carrie Fisher, starting with Shatner claiming Star Trek to be superior to Star Wars, and then Fisher firing back.  It’s like two worlds colliding, and yes I’m making a fat joke about both of them.

So Captain Kirk and Princess Leia are going at it, but not at all in the way the obvious, ultimate sci-fi geek fantasy goes.

The Federation is on Kirk’s Side, but The Force is with Leia.

Only science fiction nerds are interested in this feud.  Because no one else wants to watch two old broads fighting.

Why don't the two of them get the foreplay over with and start making sweet Wookie?

“Mazel Tov to Natalie”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2011-06-14-natalie-portman-baby_n.htm

Natalie Portman gave birth to a baby boy Wednesday.  The announcement means it will be more difficult to hide the boy from Jedi turned Sith Lord Anakin Skywalker.

Portman feels well-prepared for motherhood, having spent the last few months pushing her Oscar for Black Swan around in a stroller.

As soon as the baby was born, the umbilical cord was cut.  Still, this time it’s good news that there’s No Strings Attached.

“Worlds’ Series”

George Lucas denies that he's shot 50 episodes of a "Star Wars" TV series.  Said the animated show Star Wars: Clone Wars:  "Hey! I can hear you.  I'm standing right here."

Oddly, however, he does claim that he had always envisioned the original "Star Wars" to be followed 35 years later by 50 television episodes that were part of the same story.

“Carrie Away”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/05/carrie-fisher-shows-off-slimmer-shape--/1

Carrie Fisher has said that she has lost 30 lbs. on the Jenny Craig weight loss program.  At her former weight, she looked less like Princess Leia and more like Jabba the Hutt.

Of her appearance before she started the diet program, Darth Vadar said, “Obi-Wan was wise to hide her.”

Carrie said she loves her new body, and Han Solo said, “I know.”

Her weight had created a great disturbance in The Force, which is what Star Wars nerds call their regret over their masturbation fantasies.