“Getting Defensive”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2011-08-01-debt-reduction-defense-cuts_n.htm

Analysts say the debt reduction bill could cut $900 billion from the Defense budget over the next 10 years.  Said the Pentagon:  “That’s okay.  We’ll just have to make do without that 1 toilet seat.”

“War and Price”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2011-07-08-defense-spending-bill_n.htm

The House of Representatives passed a spending bill that raises the budget for Defense to $649 billion.  Between the economy and the two current wars, you can’t blame the House for being defensive.

“Indian Burn” or “Geronimo!”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/05/use-of-geronimo-codename-in-bin-laden-operation-stirs-american-indian-backlash/1

It has been reported that the code-name “Geronimo” was used for the operation that killed Osama bin Laden, generating a backlash from offended Native Americans.  The operation’s name will retro-actively be changed, to The Kansas City Chiefs.

Now some Indian leaders are really on the warpath.  Time to circle the wagons.

Native Americans criticized the use of the name in association of an American enemy as a reinforcement of negative Indian stereotypes.  The U.S. government will address the issue Thursday in a conference, to you, know, extend the peace pipe.

Some Native American leaders replied, “Woo woo. woo woo!  Woo woo, woo woo!”

The Native American conference was scheduled after the government’s failed attempt to buy their silence with a basket of some very pretty beads.

Incidentally, Osama bin Laden’s code-name in the operation was Jackpot, which, of course, has offended Las Vegas casinos and their players.

“Military Pride” or "Ask, Tell"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/theoval/post/2010/12/obama-gay-service-members-will-no-longer-have-to-hide/1?csp=hf

President Obama signed into law the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, allowing gay men and women to openly and proudly serve in all branches of our Armed Forces. This means gay men and women no longer have to be ashamed if they serve in the Coast Guard.

To show how they are supporting servicemen and women regardless of sexual orientation, the Pentagon is ordering that all future military uniforms be more form- fitting.

Headed to their local recruiter’s office are a policeman, cowboy, construction worker, an Indian, and a leather-clad biker.

"No Repeal"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/12/senate-gop-blocks-repeal-of-dont-ask-dont-tell/1

Senate Republicans successfully blocked the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Thursday, which would have allowed gay men and women to serve openly in our armed forces. The move is hardly a surprise, since everyone knows that Republicans mainly like to keep their gay sex anonymous.

“Survey Says”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/10/pentagon-poll-most-us-troops-are-ok-with-gays-in-military-/1

A survey by the Pentagon finds that most U.S. military personnel aren’t bothered by the idea of gays serving. Especially the gay ones already serving.

The survey consisted of 103 questions and included over 400,000 active personnel, who were asked, and then told.

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Rule, Don’t Judge”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101014/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_gays_in_military

The Pentagon is seeking to delay the enforcement of a federal judge’s ruling “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” unconstitutional earlier this week. The Justice Department has said that before anyone is outed as gay, they want a chance to come out to their parents, first.

The government said Thursday that ending the ban on openly gay service members “would be disruptive and harmful to the strength and effectiveness of the U.S. military.” The thing they point to that would hurt out troops in action the most: rainbow camouflage.

“Disarmed Forces” or "Uniform Decision"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/10/federal-judge-orders-military-to-stop-enforcing-dont-ask-dont-tell/1

A federal judge issued an injunction to stop the military’s enforcement of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” ruling that it violated self-incrimination rights guaranteed under the Fifth Amendment. As a result, the “Marine’s Hymn” will now be known and the “Marine’s Him and Him.”

Finally free to come out are wrestling icon Sgt. Slaughter, Superman’s nemesis Gen. Zod, KFC’s Col. Sanders, and the entire G.I. Joe team.