“Wedding Toast” or “Raising the Bar”

A new study shows that increased alcohol usage may negatively affect the length of a marriage. Especially if the couple measures that marriage in bottles, glasses, or shots.

“Text Appeal”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/sex-relationships/2010-11-10-texting-teens_N.htm

A study presented to the American Public Health Association says that teens who use text messaging excessively are more likely to engage in drinking, drug use, and sex. All while texting.

The term for such teenagers is “popular.”

Texting has become so ingrained in teen social life, and by extension, synonymous with their sexual activity, that the most common phrase among teens fighting is, “Go text yourself.”

Teens’ texting skills are predictably telling about their knowledge about sex. Their texts tend to be clumsy, sloppy, and over too quickly.

“Moo Juice?”

In India, a company is making a new soft drink made from cow urine to compete with major soft drink brands. The company owner really hopes people will like it, and so does R. Kelly.

This, of course raises the question, just how bad is the water in India?

Studies have shown that one of the best ways to quench thirst is to remove all desire to drink.

India’s Cow Protection Campaign may be able to capitalize on the proposed slogan, “Not Milk?”

It almost seems as if the whole thing must be a giant national hoax, known as an Indian Burn.

The beverage is said to be in the final stages of development. The last stage, however may take years, as it required that they find someone willing to taste it.

The makers of the beverage say it will be inexpensive. Good. Like they say, ‘why would you want to buy the whole cow when you can drink the pee for cheap?’

The soft drink developers want to make sure they have an efficient way of collecting the supply of their ingredients. Every drop wasted is like money down the toilet.

After drinking the divine bovine, hygiene habits suggest that a woman would wipe her mouth with a napkin, whereas a man would just shake it off.

Over time, manufacturer’s research says that their product will eventually be welcome everywhere except at people’s swimming pools. No one wants pee in their pool.

Note: At the last minute, my editor made me change the headline of this story. The original was “Indians Have a Drinking Problem.”

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/article5707554.ece


Special thanks to my friend Dave Wiggins in Arizona for this news story, linked above.