"You Got Served"

A mother in Michigan was upset when an Applebee's served her 15-month-old son alcohol instead of juice.  The mother was mainly upset because neither she nor her son looked young enough to get carded.

“Wedding Toast” or “Raising the Bar”

A new study shows that increased alcohol usage may negatively affect the length of a marriage. Especially if the couple measures that marriage in bottles, glasses, or shots.

“Blackout-in-a-Can Ban”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/parenting-family/teen-ya/2010-11-17-1Afourloko17_ST_N.htm

The FDA has banned the sale of caffeinated alcoholic energy drinks such as Four Loco, Joose, and Moonshot, which they have deemed unsafe. The ban is meant to protect college students, and it will, until they hear about Rum and Coke, Jack and Coke, and Irish Coffee.

Several students reportedly got sick after drinking these beverages, some passed out, and a few even suffered memory loss. These experiences are known to most as “college.”

The government intends to enforce the ban, and even expand it if necessary, to ensure that no one in America is having any fun at all.

Members of Congress supporting the ban say it’s a non-partisan issue. It’s not about leaning towards one party, it’s about being the party-pooper.

“Text Appeal”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/sex-relationships/2010-11-10-texting-teens_N.htm

A study presented to the American Public Health Association says that teens who use text messaging excessively are more likely to engage in drinking, drug use, and sex. All while texting.

The term for such teenagers is “popular.”

Texting has become so ingrained in teen social life, and by extension, synonymous with their sexual activity, that the most common phrase among teens fighting is, “Go text yourself.”

Teens’ texting skills are predictably telling about their knowledge about sex. Their texts tend to be clumsy, sloppy, and over too quickly.

Random, unrelated news

New research says that alcohol is more dangerous than heroin and cocaine. The research was done in an extensive, double-blind study performed exclusively by Amy Winehouse.

In his new book, George W. Bush says he considered dropping Dick Cheney from the ticket in his 2004 campaign for re-election. It became a moot point, however, since most of Cheney's vital organs had already been replaced with robot parts and artificial organs.