“Where There’s Smoke, There’s Tobacco, Firearms, or Explosives”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-05-02-atf-cigarette-smuggling.htm

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives says investigations of cigarette smuggling by violent gangs have increased sharply is states that have increased tobacco taxes.  The gangs are excited because, just like the guns they are used to, cigarettes kill people.

Also, a lot of gang members smoke, so they can give themselves a discount.

If the ATF catches any of these gangs, the standard punishment is to make them smoke a whole carton so they learn a lesson.

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives is a division of the government’s Department of Smoke and Mirrors.

“Food for Thought”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/food/diet-nutrition/2011-02-14-fiber_N.htm

A new government study says that eating more fiber could mean a longer life. Unfortunately, you’ll spend all that extra time pooping.

“Pyramid Topples”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2011-02-11-egypt-protests_N.htm

Egypt’s president Hosni Mubarak has resigned following 18 days of intense citizen protests, leaving the army in charge. Critics argue that the army’s only prior executive experience is as community organizers.

Egyptians are celebrating the victory of the collective voice of the people, but the thing they are really happy about: getting back on Facebook.