“A Take-off on Southwest”

http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/story/2011/04/NTSB-Cracks-found-in-3-grounded-Southwest-planes/45742922/1

Southwest Airlines has grounded 79 more jetliners for passenger cabin inspections and found 3 more with subsurface cracks similar to those which caused a Sacramento-bound flight to make an emergency landing last week. Prior to the incident, Southwest had simply advertised such cracks as extra cabin room.

Grounding the planes isn’t expected to be a long-term problem since, by now, most Southwest passengers are already used to sitting on the tarmac for hours before take-off.

As for the plane where the top of the cabin started to come off mid-flight, Southwest’s public relations team is proud to announce the latest trend in commercial air travel, convertible planes.

“Bus Load”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/fitness/2011-03-21-busweight21_ST_N.htm

The Federal Transit Authority wants to raise the assumed average weight for bus passengers due to safety concerns, such as safe stopping distance. On the other hand, in the event of a crash, Americans will remain safely wedged into their seats until butter and a crowbar are used to dislodge their fat asses.

Also, despite all the extra weight on the wheels, the buses don’t ever have to worry about getting a flat, since fat passengers are all carrying their own spare tire.