“Fat Chance”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2012/09/21/sugary-drinks-may-magnify-the-genetic-risk-of-obesity/57821200/1

Harvard researchers say that people who are genetically predisposed to obesity are more likely to become obese if they drink a lot of sugary beverages.  Their conclusions are based on studying 32 genes, gathering ancestry data and testing thousands of grouped subjects.  But they could have gotten the same results just from looking at people.

“Thank God for Science”

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/story/2012-07-02/god-particle-evidence-cern/55981840/1?csp=hf

Scientists believe they have found what they call the ‘God particle,’ so named for its difficulty to find and prove beyond a doubt.  Until now, the scientists simply accepted the existence of the particle on faith.

It turns out, all they had to do all along was believe, and the particle revealed itself to them.

The scientists immediately began fighting and killing each other over their own interpretation of what the particle wants.

There are some scientists who are still unconvinced.  They are called atheist-scientists.

“Bus Load”

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/fitness/2011-03-21-busweight21_ST_N.htm

The Federal Transit Authority wants to raise the assumed average weight for bus passengers due to safety concerns, such as safe stopping distance. On the other hand, in the event of a crash, Americans will remain safely wedged into their seats until butter and a crowbar are used to dislodge their fat asses.

Also, despite all the extra weight on the wheels, the buses don’t ever have to worry about getting a flat, since fat passengers are all carrying their own spare tire.