"Holy Gospel, Elvis"

http://travel.usatoday.com/destinations/dispatches/post/2012/03/holy-elvis-new-tour-links-the-king-to-israel-%E2%80%93-sort-of/656500/1

A travel company is promoting its new Elvis Presley Holy Land Tour, a package that will go to Israel with Elvis’s favorite gospel artists.  It is expected that a bunch of Elvis impersonators will sign up, and then meet their tour guide, the Host of Kings.

People on the tour will have the option to be baptized at the Jordon River, with a peanut butter and banana sandwich and a bottle of pills.

“Justice… League”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2010-11-18-hollywood-superheroes_N.htm

Citing the right to free speech, a federal judge blocked police from removing costumed superhero impersonators from Hollywood Blvd., where they pose for tourists’ photographs for tips. Newspaper publisher J. Jonah Jameson insists that this is just proof that that Spiderman is nothing but a menace.

Police have dealt with complaints of performers aggressively seeking tips, but can’t arrest the superheroes just for being there. So they plan to be a visible presence, will closely observe, and just in case, are stocking up on Kryptonite.

“A Bite out of the Big Apple”

A continuous threat of bed bugs is causing tourists to cancel trips to New York City. Still, the hotels are short on space, because, as everyone knows, bugs check in, but they don't check out.

Hotel companies want tourists to know that the whole bedbug scare was just an elaborate urban myth they started themselves, to scare off Randy Quaid.