“Arnold: He’ll Be Back”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/07/arnold-schwarzenegger-signs-on-to-first-post-split-film-/1

Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed on to appear in his first movie since his term as governor ended and his marriage split was announced, and it’s a Western.  There’s a rumor it’s going to be a Spaghetti Western, about the child he had with his housekeeper. It will be called, Pasta La Vista, Baby.

Some other possible movie titles:

 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Affair

A Fistful of Dollars for the Housekeeper

For a Few Dollars More for your Love Child

Once Upon a Time in a Mexican.

Dutch Cassidy and the Secret Kid

or possibly

Tomb-Stone: It’s Not a Tomb-er

Based on his current weight and muscle-toe, however, some movie fans think Arnold should stick to roles like Conan, the Barber.  

“Stellar Jen" or "Jennifer Ani-star"

Jennifer Aniston will get a star next year on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  Then in two years, the star will replace Jennifer’s with that of a younger actress.

“Girlie Man”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2011-05-17-schwarzenegger-child_N.htm

Arnold Schwarzenegger revealed that his separation from wife maria Shriver was prompted by his admission that he fathered a child with a member of their household staff over a decade ago.  His affair means that in the late 1990’s, his role as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin was only the second worst thing he did to those who loved and trusted him.

Before he became governor of California in 2004, Arnold was the top action star in Hollywood.  Today’s news is just proof that he never stopped getting action.

Though the couple announced their split last week, hiding an extra-marital affair until after his two terms in public office makes Arnold an honorary Kennedy.

Arnold doesn’t seen to be facing too much fallout from the public over his affair, making recently resigned Senator John Ensign wish he’d been a movie star before he ran for office.

There was no way that Arnold could deny that the baby was his, since it had huge muscles, an Austrian accent, couldn’t act, and caused an insurmountable state debt.

“The Late Ms. Taylor”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/03/elizabeth-taylor-late-for-her-own-funeral/1?csp=hf

Elizabeth Taylor was literally late for her own funeral on Thursday. She had included among her final arrangements a wish to have her casket arrive 15 minutes after the service was to have begun. In the finest sense of the word, “What a diva.”

It’s possible that her late arrival bothered some people, as many gathered were seen crying.

“Justice… League”

http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2010-11-18-hollywood-superheroes_N.htm

Citing the right to free speech, a federal judge blocked police from removing costumed superhero impersonators from Hollywood Blvd., where they pose for tourists’ photographs for tips. Newspaper publisher J. Jonah Jameson insists that this is just proof that that Spiderman is nothing but a menace.

Police have dealt with complaints of performers aggressively seeking tips, but can’t arrest the superheroes just for being there. So they plan to be a visible presence, will closely observe, and just in case, are stocking up on Kryptonite.