Paris is actually spending a lot of time trying to figure out what shade of lip gloss is going to match her Corrections Department jump suit.
Jail officials told Paris they can get her any books and magazines in jail, but Paris pleaded with them not to. She considers reading to be cruel and unusual punishment.
Nicole Ritchie will mail Paris a present: a platinum credit card baked into a cake.
She’s going to sleep with every butch inmate in there twice before realizing they are women.
Paris won’t be scared by the threat of solitary confinement. It’s something she has faced every time she has been left alone with her thoughts.
She will lose weight her first few days inside. Not because of nerves or depression. It will take her that long to realize that there is no room service.
Paris will be traumatized in her first jailhouse shower. No one will assault her or anything, but she will go into shock when forced to use non-designer soap.
As a survival tool, she is going to have to sharpen her vibrator into a shiv.
Will the jail issue her a night-vision equipped camcorder for conjugal visits?
Britney Spears will come to visit but will be thrown in a cell when she is mistaken for an inmate because of her bald head.
By the time Paris leaves jail, “the common yard” will be the new nickname for her vagina.
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