Monday, November 5, 2007

The WGA is on strike. I will be joining the picket line at CBS Radford Studios in Studio City, CA. Fair compensation for writers in all media!

Friday, November 2, 2007

The World Cancer Research Fund’s large-group, 5-year study has provided more evidence that fat is a big factor in the development of cancer. Oh, great. Do you realize how hard it’s gonna be, if anorexic person gets cancer now, to convince her she’s not fat?

The study points to the salt and nitrates in processed and smoked meats in particular, which have been linked to carcinogens. The processed meat industry dismissed the findings as “a bunch of baloney. Delicious, healthy baloney.”

The American Institute for Cancer Research recommends eating 18 oz. or less red meat per week, avoiding processed meats, exercising 30 minutes a day, and limiting alcoholic beverages to 1 or 2 per day, at which point America as a whole said, Wait, wait; we’ll just take the cancer.

Speaking of fat, Britain has become the heaviest nation in Europe, with a rising 23% obesity rate among its population. We should have seen the warning signs, in popular literature. Turns out everyone at Hogwarts wears cloaks and robes because they can’t fit into trousers.

NASA announced that as early as Friday, astronauts may attempt a space-walk to fix the damaged solar panel, which tore Tuesday as it unfurled. The hastily planned repair is described as risky and unprecedented. NASA officials, meanwhile, are super-excited, as this is the coolest space-mission story since Apollo 13.

Rolling Stone magazine is celebrating its fortieth birthday this week with a commemorative issue and several parties. The commemorative issue was needed as they start having trouble remembering things, and the parties will include healthy snacks and bingo, and will be over by 10pm.

In a speech about health care, President Bush made a joking reference to Vice President Dick Cheney as Darth Vader. As if to show he has a sense of humor, Cheney began laughing for several seconds as Bush seemed to be strangled by an invisible hand.