“Legal Circus”

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/28/9072340-ringling-circus-paying-big-fine-over-animal-case

The Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus parent company agreed on a settlement with the USDA over charges of animal mistreatment.  The settlement was easily reached because both the circus’ representatives and the government officials are a bunch of clowns.

Federal inspections led to charges over treatment of the circus’ 54 pachyderms.  The settlement was reached once they addressed the elephant in the room.

Several major issues dealt specifically with the care of tigers and zebras cages and enclosures.  Until

those issues are resolved, stripes are officially out.

A chief complaint called out tigers’ feeding conditions.  From now on, the tigers will only eat Frosted Flakes.

Asked for comment, the tigers said “They’re Greeaaat!”  

“Tusk, Tusk” or “Jumbo Dung-o”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2011-05-12-czech-zoo-elephant-dung_n.htm

In the Czech Republic, the Prague Zoo has begun selling buckets of elephant dung to gardeners who want to use it as fertilizer.  Even if you’re happy with your purchase, compared to any other souvenir it looks like a piece of sh*t.

They are selling it by the kilogram.  So far, sales have been heavy.

If you ask the zoo director “How’s business?”  He’ll answer, “It stinks.”

The Accounting Department is thrilled with the idea.  The Sales Department is thrilled with the idea.  Not so thrilled: The Collections Department.

The Associated Press got the story first.  They said to the zookeeper, “Just give us the straight poop.”

“Mega-Mammals”

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/2010-11-26-giant-mammals_N.htm

A global fossil survey published this week says that following the extinction of dinosaurs, giant mammals much larger than the modern elephant roamed the Earth. Scientists say this could explain the evolution of Snooki.

Scientists agree that it is good that these mammals shrarnk down in size over the next 40 million years until today. You think it’s hard to get dog walkers to clean up after their pets now?