“Tusk, Tusk” or “Jumbo Dung-o”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2011-05-12-czech-zoo-elephant-dung_n.htm

In the Czech Republic, the Prague Zoo has begun selling buckets of elephant dung to gardeners who want to use it as fertilizer.  Even if you’re happy with your purchase, compared to any other souvenir it looks like a piece of sh*t.

They are selling it by the kilogram.  So far, sales have been heavy.

If you ask the zoo director “How’s business?”  He’ll answer, “It stinks.”

The Accounting Department is thrilled with the idea.  The Sales Department is thrilled with the idea.  Not so thrilled: The Collections Department.

The Associated Press got the story first.  They said to the zookeeper, “Just give us the straight poop.”

“Bananas for Cigarettes”

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2010-11-08-smoking-chimp-rescued_N.htm

A 12-year-old chimpanzee has been rescued by animal rights activists and relocated to a Brazil sanctuary after being discovered smoking cigarettes in a Lebanon zoo. Apparently, in Lebanon, they don’t card for cigarettes.

In Brazil, the chimp will fight his nicotine addiction, and will be happy to get that monkey off his back.

The chimp’s treatment in Lebanon has brought harsh criticism, from his small cage enclosure to his chain… smoking.

It was a surprise to discover the chimp smoking, because, though they are social, they aren’t really pack animals.

Animals rights activists moved quickly once they thought the chimp was in danger. There were threats of violence from the Lebanese zoo’s camels when they heard the chimp was smoking Camels.

The smoking chimp would easily become agitated and would screech and scream as if cursing and swearing. Apparently, he had no filter.

The Brazilian sanctuary is glad to put a stop to the mistreatment of the animal. There is nothing funny about a chimpanzee smoking cigarettes. Cigars, however, now that’s hilarious.