“Call Waiting”

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/story/2012/09/21/iphone-5-first-day-sales/57815108/1?csp=hf

Apple customers are swarming to buy the new iPhone 5.  Most enthusiasts are excited about the sleek, new look and features of waiting in long lines.

Apple stock is up and expected to continue to rise, unless iPhone 4’s Siri becomes jealous over 5’s attention.

Apple is expected to make such large sales gains that from now on, New York City will be known as The Little Apple.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs or "Lost Jobs" or "iDead"

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/story/2011-09-22/steve-jobs-dies/50672498/1

Apple founder Steve Jobs died of pancreatic cancer on Wednesday at age 56.  He was immediately brought to the Apple Store to be fixed or replaced for free.

In a related story, Bill Gates is still alive, but is prone to contracting viruses.

“Chinese Apple”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/07/china-shuts-2-phony-apple-stores-but-3-others-stay-open/1

China has shut down 2 out of 5 unauthorized Apple stores for lacking business permits.  The iPads and other merchandise were genuine Apple products, but the employees weren’t nearly smug enough.

Here in the United States, Apple products are known to be almost virus-proof.  In China, they get viruses all the time, but the government just denies it.

The Chinese versions of the iPad and iPhone are exactly the same as ours, except instead touching the screen with your finger, you use chopsticks.

“iMore”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/technologylive/post/2011/06/report-apple-unveiling-a-new-iphone-in-september/1

Apple may be unveiling an upgraded iPhone in September, which reportedly has a faster processor and an 8-megapixel camera.  This is seen as great news for everyone except Anthony Weiner.

“Cloud’s the Limit”

Steve Jobs unveiled Apple’s new iCloud service Monday, a way of sharing and syncing your downloads, emails, calendar and more on all your Apple devices using only your Apple user ID.  Apple emphasized how great free sharing is, unless you’re a PC.

"iCrime"

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2011-04-06-1Aapplerobbery06_ST_N.htm

The FBI is assisting in several robbery cases at Apple stores.  So far, clues are leading them towards suspects who are smug about how much smarter they are than PC thieves.

Authorities will try to identify thieves caught on security video, as soon as they pay the 99 cents for that video on iTunes.

The thieves may be hard to catch, since they can get away at 4G speed.

"iVerizon"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/technologylive/post/2011/01/live-blog-verizons-event-in-new-york/1?csp=hf

Starting February 10, Verizon Wireless will be offering the iPhone 4. The phones are expected to work very well on Verizon’s network, except for the ones that tech geeks drool on.

“Apple Cutting the Cord”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20101006/ts_nm/us_apple_verizon

Verizon Wireless will begin selling Apple’s iPhone starting in 2011. Up until now, AT&T has been the only U.S. carrier connected to Apple for distribution of the popular device, but ironically, AT&T can’t seem to hold the connection.