“Lottery Ticket to Nowhere”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2012/01/mystery-winner-of-14m-iowa-lottery-withdraws-claim-rather-than-steps-forward/1

An un-named Iowa lottery winner has withdrawn his claim to a $14.3 million jackpot.  If people can turn down multi-million-dollar prizes, now, than the good news is, the recession is over.

The unknown winner turned down the money once he found out he couldn’t have it directly transferred to his off-shore Cayman Islands holding company, tax-free, for use in his presidential campaign.

Officially, because it’s Iowa, the government pays the winner $14.3 million to not grow corn.

"Swiss Bankroll"

http://worldnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/13/9424054-casino-nixes-57-million-slot-payout-jilted-swiss-to-sue

A player at a Swiss casino who thought he won a $57 million jackpot is suing the casino that claimed the flashing screen was an error and denied his pay-out.  The casino is scared because in court, their odds of winning are only 50/50, the worst they’ve ever seen.

A true gambler, the man is suing for double or nothing.

“Win or Lose”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/05/lawmakers-rush-to-block-1m-lottery-winner-getting-food-stamps/1

Lawmakers in Michigan are trying to quickly pass a bill to remove lottery winners from public assistance program eligibility.  The bill was prompted by reports that a $2 million jackpot winner is still receiving food stamps.  What’s surprising is not that the instant millionaire shopped with food stamps.  It’s that he stayed in Michigan.

The man was seen buying groceries using a food stamps debit card, or as he refers to it, ‘playing his lucky numbers.’

The lottery winner was awarded a lump sum of about $1 million out of a $2 million jackpot, the remainder being paid in taxes.  No wonder he’s using food stamps.  These days, who can get by on only a million dollars?

Fortunately, food stamps are not allowed to be used to buy lottery tickets.  If they were, it could result in a endless loop of outrage.

Said a concerned citizen, “Food stamps were not intended for lottery winners.  Food stamps are for losers.”