“Navy Blues”

More allegations have surfaced in the US Navy sex scandal, in which contracts for goods and services may have been given in exchange for money and gifts including  services of prostitutes.  For instance, submarine officers were influenced about where and when they would be going down.

Now a 3-star admiral has been implicated.  If he was involved in illicit sexual behavior, naval uniform protocol demands that his stars immediately be replaced with x’s.

Reports claim the scandal will taint the admirals.  But as everyone knows, rear admirals rarely get out with their taint intact.

Odds and (Big) Ends

Kim Kardashian attended the White House Correspondents Dinner this past week.  Why not?  Among all those politicians, what's one more big ass?

The Secret Service has decided to assign chaperones to its agents on some foreign trips.  Secret Service agents said they don't mind chaperones, as long as they are hot ladies ready to party!

Jessica Simpson is spending $4,000 a night for the luxury hospital birthing suite where she gave birth to her new daughter.  And from the looks of things, Jessica, $3,000 of that is just to cover the cost of food.

“Secret Serviced”

Since the Secret Service prostitution scandal in Columbia broke, 3 officers of the 11 actively investigated have been dismissed  It seems some of those agents got tired of the earpiece, and decided to get a different piece.

At least with their Kevlar vests, we know they had protection.

Ironically, when they worked for Bill Clinton, they were willing to take a bullet.

“Pimping for Votes”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/onpolitics/post/2012/02/ron-paul-bunny-ranch-nevada-caucuses-/1

The workers at Nevada’s legal brothel, the Bunny Ranch, rallied in support of Ron Paul last night in Reno, even trying to raise money for his campaign.  That’s not all they raised.

It surprises some that legal prostitutes would support Paul. Especially since it seems like Gingrich has more sleaze appeal.

The girls like Paul because he wants to withdraw all foreign aid from all countries immediately, and these girls appreciate the idea of pulling out in a timely fashion.

Prostitutes have a high voting rate, because they are used to settling for less than they want, and they know how to pull the lever.

“Sex, Education” or "President Pimp"

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-06-24-University-prostitution-ring_n.htm

A former president of the University of New Mexico was arrested Thursday for helping to run a prostitution ring.  In his defense, he thought it was Mexico, not New Mexico.

Police became suspicious over the sign on his office door, which said, simply, “University head.”

The most popular item his service offered was known as the “under-a-graduate program.”

Or if you wanted to get more kinky, you could pay to be a “slave to your Master’s.”

If you wanted two girls at once, that was known as a “double major.”

Every customer could take an “oral exam.”

(Sorry about the college puns.  The humor is really sophomoric.”

“Going to the Pros” or "AAA to XXX" or "From Prose to Pros"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/03/reporter-says-pay-cut-forced-him-to-set-up-prostitution-ring/1

Kevin Provencher, an award-winning reporter who says a salary cut made him desperate for money pleaded guilty to setting up a prostitution ring in Massachusetts. His customer base must also have been reporters, because whenever they began to perform a sex act with one of his employees, they would call out, “This just in.”

Provencher thinks prostitution should be as accepted in society as an inalienable right, like uncensored journalism. Basically, he believes in Freedom of the Press-on Nails.

E spent his career working as a sport-writer, and he saw the prostitution ring was his way of finally getting in the game.

He says sports-reporting is a lot like prostitution. The most exciting thing you can expect is a close finish.

He monitored his pimping operation in almost the same way he paid attention to the details in sports; by keeping an eye on the balling.

Going from sports writer to pimp was easy. He was already used to watching other people score.

During soccer season, every time one of his girls would open her legs he’d yell, "Goal!"

When covering the PGA tour, every time one of his girls would take a new client, he’s call out,"It's in the hole!"

A sports reporter as a pimp. Said one of his working girls, "After local news and weather, you're coming next."

As a sports writer, he didn't think of himself as a pimp. He thought of himself as a coach. Specifically, a head coach.

He would bring these young girls to sleazy hotel rooms and completely take advantage of them. So he was less like a sports writer and more like an NFL player.

For intimidating a prostitute against testifying, along with the pimping charges, he was sentenced to 2 and a half years in prison, where he’ll take one for the team.