Monday, September 29, 2008

We All Need Our Space

NASA marks its 50th birthday this week. The party, not surprisingly, will have a ‘Space’ theme.

Before blowing out the candles on their cake, however, there will be a countdown that will be halted several times for technical checks.

NASA has been in a slump, both in terms of funding and national interest, for years. Most experts place the blame on a lack of an overall guiding vision coupled with George Lucas seeming to completely “sell out” in his latest Clone Wars movie.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Don’t Bank On It

So far, Congressional talks to fund President Bush’s proposed bank industry bailout have failed. In summary, half of Congress bailed and the other half are out.

John McCain has said that he will debate with Barak Obama tonight. All week, the two sides have been publicly arguing back and forth about the proposed bank bail-out, the economy, and the priorities of this country. Isn’t that called… a debate?

In the biggest bank failure in U.S. history, Washington Mutual was seized and its assets sold to JP Morgan Chase & Co. last night. To reflect its new relationship with customers, Washington Mutual is changing its name to Mutual Disdain.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Plane and simple

A government study identified 24 near-collisions on runways in 2008, despite the FAA’s attempt to step up runway safety. The airlines point responsibility towards passengers who didn’t return their tray tables to their upright positions.

Yaer of the Rocket

China successfully launched a rocket carrying a three-man crew into space today. The rocket looked similar to ones used by the U.S. and Russia, except it was topped with a giant paper dragon.

The crew will take part in China’s first planned spacewalk over the next 2 days. All three astronauts are fighter pilots, and all 42 years old—at least according to their Chinese passports.

Tear Gas

A West Virginia man pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving is being charged with battery on a police officer for allegedly raising one leg, passing gas loudly, and fanning it towards the officer. Maybe they need to make the breathalyzer instructions more clear.

I understand that the officer was offended, but a battery charge? Would they hit him with a concealed weapons charge for a quiet one?

I think the guy will get off. When they read you your rights, they only tell you, “Anything you SAY can and will be used against you.”

Legally, it’s a question of the rights of the accused. From now on, it’s “You have the right to remain silent-but-deadly.”

The man may even be questioned as a terrorist, since he unleashed a biological weapon.

Monday, September 22, 2008

‘Emmy A Break

Last night was the 60th Annual Emmy Awards, or as I call it, “So, You Think You Can Host?”

The ceremony was co-hosted by the 5 nominees in the new category for Best Host of a Reality/Competition Series. It really felt like a reality show, too, because it felt unscripted, uninteresting, and could have greatly benefited from some serious editing.

The winner in that category was Jeff Probst. The losers were everyone watching.

Isn’t emceeing the one talent these clowns are supposed to have?

The only thing that could have been more awkward was if Kathy Griffen had told Don Rickles to “suck it.”

Alec Baldwin won Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. His speech was brief, grateful, and modest, and could only have been improved if he called the co-hosts on their home answering machines and called them each a pig.

As they do every year, they had an “In Memoriam” montage, as a tribute to television artists who died since last year. The very last clip was of the opening of this year’s show.

While groundbreaking basic-cable shows like Mad Men and Damages took awards, 12 million people watched, proving that there are still 12 million people who don’t have basic cable to switch to.

The ceremony kicked off with an introduction by Oprah Winfrey, who was great except for one thing. I wish she had recommended a book to go read for the following 3 hours.

The entire debacle proves that television is a place for fantasy and glamour, not Reality.

These jokes may not be brilliant, but at least they were written and presented, which is more than I can say for the entire opening of the Emmys.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Convention-al Wisdom

Did you hear Rudy Giulianni's speech at the Republican national Convention? They must have put a 10 minute speaking limit, because, true to form, he kept it to 9:11.

He always keeps it to 9:11, doesn't he?

You really can't blame McCain for wanting to win the White House. He already has a house in every other color.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Presidential Nomi-Nation

This is an exciting election year. It’s a year for a lot of “firsts.” For example, because of his age, John McCain is the first candidate to ever walk for president.

McCain is really working the “maverick” reputation, but that’s consistent with his record. Early in his career, he sometimes opposed his own Whigs and voted with the Tories.

Sarah Palin could be the first female Vice President, but why is that such a big deal? We’ve had other women in high office. Madeline Allbright and Condoleeza Rice have been Secretary of State. We’ve even had a female Attorney General, if you count Janet Reno.

Barak knew that in choosing his running mate, he should get someone older, a little weathered, and with a reputation as a real tough-guy. But he still didn’t pick Hillary.

People have questioned Barak Obama’s experience, because he’s a one-term senator. But the last time we had a freshman senator from Illinois become president, it was Abraham Lincoln. McCain knows this - he voted for Lincoln.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Eye on Alaska: Northern Exposure

As everyone has heard by now, Republican Vice-Presidential nominee, Gov. Sarah Palin's 17-year-old-daughter, Bristol, is 5 months pregnant. And to think people said Jamie Lynn Spears isn't a role model anymore.

Bristol plans to to marry her boyfriend, the father of the baby, while the public is still learning basic background facts about her mother. For Example, Gov. Sarah Bristol is proud to be an avid hunter. Bristol: more of a trapper.