Thursday, January 17, 2013

“Kim and Kanye Konceive”

Kim Kardashian said that she had a hard time getting pregnant.  But once the video camera was rolling…

If families with young children watch the Kardashians on TV and the kids start asking where babies come from, their parents should explain to them, “A baby is made when a man and a woman love attention very much…”

The baby already has its own reality show, with the crew filming 24/7 from inside Kim’s uterus. 

But to be fair, they were already there before she got pregnant.

A few years after the baby is born, Kim and Kanye already can’t wait to show their child the tape of his or her conception.

Kim and Kanye have decided NOT to show the birth on television.  Some moments are just so special and private that they only belong on pay-per-view.

It’s too soon to know if the baby will look like Kim or Kanye when its born, but like all 3-month fetuses, for now its face looks like Bruce Jenner.

“Hair Force One”

Ahead of her husband’s second inauguration, Michelle Obama has gotten a new hairstyle, sporting bangs.  Or as Republican conspiracy theorists are calling it, a forehead cover-up.

The rumor is, if President Obama isn’t crazy about his wife’s new hairdo, he’s going to push for a ban on hand-held scissors.

“Take Aim, Rand”

On Thursday, Sen. Rand Paul said he supported the idea of having school teachers carry guns in school.  He said, “Not only would it allow educators to defend themselves in the event of a crisis, we’d see a lot more class work being finished on time.”

At the end of those standardized tests, when teacher says pencils down, you’d better put that pencil down!

“That test is getting a ‘B.’  And the ‘B’ stands for ‘buckshot.’”