“End of Negotiations” or "Captain's Final Log"

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2012/01/priceline-kills-off-william-shatners-negotiator-in-new-ad/1

Priceline is killing off pitchman William Shatner’s Priceline Negotiator character in an upcoming commercial.  Sure to be a ruse, the commercial must take place in an alternate timeline or the Mirror universe.

The killing will be done by deal-thirsty Klingons.

It is still unclear if Shatner will be replaced by the next generation spokesman, Patrick Stewart, a reimagining starring Chris Pine, or if the franchise will just be logically taken over by Leonard Nimoy.

“’Star’ Stars War”

http://social.entertainment.msn.com/movies/blogs/the-hitlist-blog.aspx?feat=f1a61369-780d-4522-b1a1-888492561923

A feud has erupted between William Shatner and Carrie Fisher, starting with Shatner claiming Star Trek to be superior to Star Wars, and then Fisher firing back.  It’s like two worlds colliding, and yes I’m making a fat joke about both of them.

So Captain Kirk and Princess Leia are going at it, but not at all in the way the obvious, ultimate sci-fi geek fantasy goes.

The Federation is on Kirk’s Side, but The Force is with Leia.

Only science fiction nerds are interested in this feud.  Because no one else wants to watch two old broads fighting.

Why don't the two of them get the foreplay over with and start making sweet Wookie?

“Captain’s Log”

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2011/06/willam-shatner-advises-mcgill-grads/1

William Shatner received an honorary doctorate and addressed the graduates at McGill University’s commencement this past week.  Shatner’s speech was only a 1-page piece, but because of his delivery it… took…. 2…. hours.

The 80-year-old star’s remarks were well received, except for the moment he became confused and told the graduates to set their phasers on ‘stun.’

"Live Wrong and Prosper" or "Deep Space Crime"

In Denver, CO, a masked man robbed two 7-11 stores armed with a Klingon sword. Obviously the mask was to conceal his nerd glasses.

Local police may seek help in the investigation from Starfleet Command.

The robber hit the two locations within a half hour of each other, leading the police to believe he may have beamed in and out.

This may be the first robbery ever pulled off with a souvenir from Comic-Con.

The community at large has condemned the crime as “highly illogical.”

The clerk at the first robbery site described the robber as male, white, in his 20’s, and despite his weapon, probably from Earth.

Authorities will be on the lookout for anyone who is using a suspiciously large amount of cash to spruce up basement apartment in their parents’ house.

There were no injuries at either robbery, according to the holograghic doctor in 7-11’s sick bay.

At the second store, the robber was refused money and left on foot. I guess his mom wasn’t available to pick him up.

The Klingon High Council has, of course, disavowed any knowledge of the robber’s actions.