Friday's News:

The Rhode Island state legislature elected Rep. Gordon Fox its first black and openly gay House speaker. The only surprise is that it took this long, since the state’s nickname, “Little Rhody,” sounds like it’s either black or gay.

General Motors says that Tiger Woods, who appeared in ads for Buick until last year, didn’t sell many cars for them. In his defense, it’s hard to sell a car when you’re in the back seat having sex.

Rhode Island Congressman Patrick Kennedy says he will not seek another term in the House of Representatives at the next election. Unless he can get Sen. Scott Brown to legally adopt him.

Kennedy wants to move on to the other important work of his family legacy. He feels he has a lot of drinking and carousing to do.

Ben Quayle, son of former Vice President Dan Quayle, is getting into the political ring and running for Congress in Arizona. Said Dan, “I guess the potato doesn’t fall far from the tree.”